In the Candlelight I'm Different
by Silver Serpant
Summary: Severus Snape had to watch the love of his life marry his worst enemy and die from a terrible mistake. Now he struggles between the past and his future. Travel back into Snape's memories and discover his true thoughts, feeling, and dreams.
1. Letting Go of the Past

In the Candlelight I'm Different

Chapter One

Letting Go of the Past

Lily Potter tossed and turned trying desperately to get back to sleep. The day had seemed never ending, so there was no reason for her not to feel tired. She turned her head to see what time the clock read. Only three minutes had gone by since the last time she looked. The silence rang loudly around the master bedroom. It was becoming painful for her to listen to. She sat up letting the sheets hang even more off the edge of the king sized bed. James's heavy breathing had stopped. Did this mean he was also lying awake without her knowing it?

"What's the matter?" James whispered through the silence. He lazily leaned up still feeling half asleep.

"Nothing, I'm fine. Just a bad dream I suppose."

"Lily?" James grabbed his glasses off the night table.

"I'm going to check on Harry." She stood up out of bed reaching for her black underwear off the mahogany dresser, where James had tossed them only four hours ago.

"Honey, he's fine, you don't have to check on him every two minutes."

"Well, don't you think it's strange that he hasn't woken us up yet?"

"Yes, but I am extremely grateful. I suppose we wore him out today. Or should I say that Sirius wore him out today. Remind me to thank him."

"I'll just be a minute." Lily found her pink bathrobe and began to tie it around herself on the way to the nursery. She poked her head into the room. The moon shined brightly through the curtains revealing a small baby boy, no more than three months old lying comfortably awake in his crib. A yellow blanket wrapped tightly around his body. Lily entered the room smiling. She came over to the crib peering down at her son. His emerald green eyes stared mesmerized up at the blank ceiling as if seeing something in the dark shadows.

"Harry? What are you doing up? She reached down wrapping her warm embracing arms around him, lifting his body gently out of the crib. Harry paid no attention to her words though. His eyes were still fixed on the moving shadows. Lily looked up as well to see what her son was watching. It's from the trees outside. The wind is really blowing out there." But somehow, Harry was the one who knew it wasn't just the trees that were alive and moving out there. Something else or someone else lurked near the Potter's house. It was only a matter of time before they made themselves known.

As Lily continued to rock her baby boy asleep she began to hear the noises from outside the window. Once placing Harry back in bed with a soft kiss goodnight, Lily walked down the dark hallway passing pictures of friends and family. She had just taken her first step downstairs when a tapping at the front door alarmed her. Who would come over so late? There were not many people who knew where they lived. If it was Sirius playing a joke, she would murder him. The tapping got louder and more aggressive as she got closer to the door. After taking her time to unlock it, with a shaky hand she wrenched it open.

"Severus, no!" Lily hissed into the darkness. All the street lights were off on the block and a young man with shoulder length greasy black hair stood on the Potter's porch.

"Lily, please. A few minutes of your time, that's all I want." His voice was shaky and his beetle eyes shined with grief.

"I can't! Do you want James to find out?" Lily clutched her robe closer to her bare skin. She turned to head back inside but Severus grabbed her arm. His felt icy cold with rough hands.

"Lily, there is something important I've been meaning to tell you. I may never get another opportunity.

"I believe you've said enough the last time we had a conversation." She pulled away from him.

"I'm afraid I _wont_ take no as an answer!" Angrily, he pushed her up against the wall. Lily's expression was filled with horror.

"Let me go Snape!" She shouted in his face. Severus loosened his grip on her after hearing those words. Never in all these years had she referred to him as Snape.

"You sound like your pathetic husband!" His voice changed from calm and reasonable to cold and filled with hatred.

Feeling defensive, Lily slapped Severus hard on the cheek. "I never want to see you again!" Her words echoed inside his mind over and over again. A few moments went by without a single sound. But then her baby's cries from a floor above made their way through the open door.

"That's him, isn't it?" Severus spoke softly.

"His name is Harry, and you will never get to meet him if that's what you're asking! I got to go." With one last glance at an old friend, Lily Evans left him for life.


	2. Visitor

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Visitor

Lily relocked the front door as quietly as she could. Her heart was still pounding inside her chest. She could not believe he came over to the house. What if someone had seen?

"Is He gone?" James stood behind her holding Harry in his arms. His jet black hair stood up awkwardly giving him a surprised look. Lily jumped. She flicked on the nearest lamp getting a better vision of James's expression.

"Who dear?" She asked stupidly.

"Snape! Is he gone?" James shifted Harry in his arms to try and prevent him from knocking his glasses off.

"Yes, he's gone now." Lily frowned and stared down at her feet.

"Perhaps we should contact Dumbledore for extra charms around the house."

"I know you are angry, but please don't hold it in. Let just talk."

"You want to talk? Fine, let's talk. I'm _sick_ of you sticking up for him! Ever since Hogwarts, all you have done is fight his battles. For what though? He's a death eater now and sticking up for him is sticking up for the death eaters!"

"James! It's not like that! I am not friends with him anymore. I have no idea what he was doing here, but I was the one who told him to leave."

"There's always been something between the two of you."

"No there has not been! Yes, there was a time when we were friends but…it's over."

"Sirius says he has the dark mark now!'

"How would _he_ know?" Lily snapped.

James rolled his brown eyes. "There you go again! Sirius couldn't possibly be right."

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just…"

"Lily, this conversation, conversations we've had in the past, huh…I'm just tired. Harry and I are going back upstairs to bed. And I'll make sure _he _knows the truth about Snape!" James left Lily standing in the living room listening to James's voice carry up the steps, telling Harry exactly what Sirius told him about Snape. She gave the boys a ten minute head start but then she followed. James had just left Harry's room when Lily came up the steps.

Why was the window open?" James asked.

"James, its middle of October, I wouldn't have the windows open."

"Harry's window was open!"

"What! That's impossible. Lily pushed passed James and went over to the window. There was no mistaking it, the window was wide open and a cool breeze entered the room. Lily examined the window ledge as if expecting to find a clue on how it opened. She knew she had it locked. James, how?" There was a worried tone in her voice now.

"Calm down, it's okay, Harry is okay. He was downstairs with us. I'm sure no one came in. You probably just thought you locked it and then the wind blew it open." James assured her.

Lily took a deep breath and glanced back over into the crib. Once again, Harry's eyes were wide open, alert and staring up at the shadows. "He's been doing that all night! I have no idea what he is looking for."

James looked over to see what his wife was talking about. "Maybe he is hungry?" James suggested.

"No I fed him before we went to bed. He's usually good until six or seven."

"Well, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe he likes watching the shadows move back and forth. It seems to relax him."

"But he needs to get some sleep!" Lily panicked

"You worry to much, mow lets just go to bed. We need sleep too." Lily followed James out of the room hoping all three of them would sleep and be able to get a fresh start in the morning.

Harry's eyes followed his mother and father out of the room. Their presents made him feel safe and secure. Now that he was alone with the constant moving shadows that followed him, he began to feel fear. Surely they would come back in, both of them. Ten long minutes had passed, then fifteen. They were not coming back! If worse came to worse he would just start to cry, that usually gave him what he wanted. But no, not yet. The feeling of being watched would pass. The little baby shook his legs and arms in frustration. The tears were building, how he hates to be left alone.

His mouth was opening, his tiny lungs were ready to explode with anger, but then the window blew open. Harry's mouth closed at once but not before a single tear had ran down his smooth cheek. It was not because of the wind though. It was quite calm outside. No trees blew, or loud whistles of wind. It was caused by a human. Harry felt intrigued. It was all just another intense game of peek-a-boo. But Harry was ready, he knew someone was there. There was a whooshing sound followed by dark puffy black smoke that came in through the window, circled around the room and hit the ground with a loud thump. A body was forming right in front of the infant's eyes. This was not a game as he had thought. The man standing near Harry's crib was tall, muscular, with shoulder length black hair. His nose was long and hooked. He wore an expression of disgust on his face.

"So this is the child everyone talks about. Severus spoke out loud. He approached closer to the crib. His eyes were narrow as he bent over the crib for a better look. It was the spitting image of his enemy that he despised, that took his love away from him. Now they had a son. Harry?" Severus and Harry's eyes were glued to one another's. The baby was no doubt grateful for the company once more. He willingly reached out for the stranger in his bed room. A moment of compassion overwhelmed Severus. If only this child was his. He picked Harry up and held him at a distance, taking in his appearance. It was the eyes he loved. Those gorgeous green eyes staring up at him.

"Oh, Lily. He whispered. Harry tried to move his body closer to the stranger for warmth, but Snape wouldn't let him. Severus glared down at him. The eyes were Lily's, but the face, his hair that belonged to his father. Foolish child! Disgusting thilth! I should end your life now. For the last thing we need is another Potter!" Severus unthinkingly pulled out his wand from inside his robes with one hand. Harry recognized it at once. He wanted to play with it, or put it in his mouth to suck. Severus raised his wand high in the air, Harry followed it carefully. Severus's lips began to form an incantation, but something stopped him. A white light outside the window glowed blindingly in his eyes.

"What the…?" The white light grew stronger and stronger. Severus's wand was thrusted out of his fingers and his grip on Harry loosened, causing the little boy to fall. Severus was on the floor, with one hand forming a visor over his eyes, he glanced up to see what had happened. He heard no screams or cries from Harry. Where was he? Hadn't he fallen? The outline of a woman with curly brown hair stood over the crib holding the small boy comfortably. The glow around her was too strong for Severus to continue to watch. He vaguely heard a gentle whisper say, "You're safe now Harry dear. He can not hurt you." A second later, a soft caring hand touched Severus's left cheek. He could not see anything, the light was too much.

You've seen more than enough, Severus, it's time to leave."

"Wait, who are you?" Severus heard himself ask. The hand left him and the light was fading out of sight as Severus closed his eyes feeling drained. He would awake with no memory of this.


	3. Birthday Wishes

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Birthday Wishes

The date was July 31, 1981. The Potter's house was buzzing with excitement and joy. For today was their Son's first birthday. Everything needed to be perfect. Harry sat on the living room floor clutching his new favorite stuffed animal dragon. The wings of the miniature sized beast fluttered up and down, tickling the boy's chin. He glanced up just in time to see the front door open and his father come in carrying two paper bags.

"Hey, there's the birthday boy. James placed the bags on the coffee table before kneeling down in front of Harry. What is this? James reached out stroking the dragon's head. Did you open up one of your gifts already? I thought I hid them all."

"I gave it to him. Lily entered the room. She was dressed in a new dark purple dress. A lacy black sweater covered her shoulders. I couldn't wait another minute to give it to him."

James smiled. He stood up once more and walked slowly over to her. "You look amazing." His fingers ran through her long fiery red hair. Their lips locked together while all four hands swirled in different directions. It had been a long time since either of them felt this good. However, now was not the time. There was still decoration to put up, and a meal to prepare. All of this had to be completed by five.

"James, we can't! Not right now."

"You know how fast I can be. Just give me five minutes." James's hand was unzipping her dress, while the other grazed against her chest.

"James! Our son is watching." This was true. Harry abandoned the stuffed dragon and crawled over by his parent's feet. A tiny hand clutched the bottom of his father's jeans.

"Okay, two minutes!" James teased.

Lily blushed but she picked Harry up and began kissing each of his cheeks. "I know you are fast, but two minutes?"

"Isn't that all it took for this little guy?"

Lily nudged him playfully. "You are a child! Now Harry needs a bath and I'm going to get started on dinner. Remus said he'd be over by four.

"Alright fine, be mean! But I'll be thinking about what we _could have_ been doing." James took Harry up the steps for a bath. Lily zipped her dress back up and entered the kitchen once more.

Two hours later the house was surrounded by different colored balloons. A smell of meatloaf and fresh steamed vegetables was thick in the air. While a clean and dressed Harry sat on the couch. A green party hat with confetti drawn on it was perched on top of his head. Something exciting was going to take place but what it was, Harry was unsure. His mother ran back and forth in the kitchen, setting the table, and looking at her appearance in a near by mirror. The clock had just chimed four thirty when there was a knock at the front door. Harry crawled off the sofa making his way behind it to hide.

"James, the door!" There was no reply though from her husband. Lily groaned in frustration as she walked to the front door. On the other side of the door stood two men. The one on the right had short blond hair and wore faded grey paints with a heavy sweater that seemed too big for him. The man on the left was the exact opposite. He was tall and lean with long black stylish hair. A brown polo shirt was paired with ripped denim jeans.

"Sirius, Remus, I'm so glad you both are here."

"Why wouldn't I come, after all he is my godson!"

"That's a very nice dress Lily." Remus smiled awkwardly.

"Thank you Remus. Come in." Both boys entered the comfortable clean house.

"I brought beer!" Sirius pulled a bottle out of the bag he carried showing Lily.

"To a one year olds birthday party?" Lily glared at him.

"Not for Harry, for everyone else in the room that is not one year old."

"So I guess that means you can't have one mate!" James was coming down the steps, still in the process of buttoning his white shirt.

Sirius smiled. He reached a hand out to James who slapped it on queue. "So where is the little guy?" Sirius asked looking around the room unable to see him.

"He was sitting on the couch playing last time I checked. Lily faced the couch but no one was there. James! Where is he?"

He shrugged in confusion, which did not help the situation. None of them had to look very far before Harry's head poked out from behind the sofa. The four adults started to chuckle. Harry watched each of their expressions. Once he was sure he was not in trouble, a smile formed on Harry's face.

"Harry, get your little ars over here, and say hi to your godfather." Sirius laughed and stretched both arms out wating for Harry.

"Can he walk yet, Lily?" Remus asked.

Oh he's able to but usually crawls instead."

Harry's eyes widened and stayed focused on Sirius. He used the edge of the couch as a support to pull himself up on his two feet. With two quivering legs, Harry walked slowly over to Sirius's open arms. A round of applause broke out for Harry's performance. Sirius grabbed Harry lifting him high in the air and making him fly. "Happy birthday Harry!" Sirius rubbed his nose against Harry's.

"Now don't hog him, Sirius!" Remus took Harry from Sirius hugging him tightly. After being passed around twice to each person and getting smothered with wet kisses, the evening continued. Dinner went on with out a single problem. The four friends caught up with life events and Lily shared some of the adorable things Harry did all week. Tea and birthday cake was eaten in the living room while Harry opened gifts. Stacks of new toys, clothes, and boxes were thrown around the room. But by far the best gift was a toy broomstick Sirius had given. A perfect size for young Harry and it even hovered in the air a couple feet. Lily disproved but James would not let Sirius take it back. Harry zoomed around the room with some guidance. He laughed and giggled the entire time. The broom had only been out for a half hour when it nearly broke. After Harry had a turn, Sirius and James decided to see if they could ride it. Of course it was impossible seeing as they were too big.

As the two immature men continued to play with the toy broom stick, Lily and Remus were in the kitchen cleaning up. With the help from her wand, Lily washed each plate and Remus stood behind her waiting to dry. The day had been perfect just as she had hoped. Harry got spoiled with gifts from each of the Potter's friends, even Peter who could not make it but sent his gift with Sirius. But more importantly, she and James managed to not argue once with each other. It had been her biggest concern not to make a scene in front of their guests. Ever since Snape came over late one night, their arguments have been more.

"Is everything alright Lily?" Remus asked studying her closely.

"Everything is great, why do you ask?"

"I don't know. You just don't seem like yourself today. I thought maybe there was something on your mind." Remus finished drying another dish and added it to the pile on the counter.

"Well, nothing gets by you does it Remus?" She turned around quickly a smile on her face.

Remus could smell her sweet perfume. She stood dangerously close to him. Her sparkly eyes seemed to look right through him. Remus could feel his heart pound underneath his sweater. "So do you want to talk?" He tried with all his might to stair directly at her face and no where else. With out any sounds, she simply nodded her head slowly. He took her small delicate hand and walked out on to the back porch. The air was hot and sticky. Up in the sky the sun was only just starting to lower giving the sky some extra color. Remus stood uncomfortably waiting for her to start the conversation.

"Can I trust you with a secret? The words came out fast and Remus stood frozen wondering what his response would be. He vaguely heard himself mumble a yes before Lily went on. About a year ago I got an unexpected visit from Severus Snape."

That name, that retched name! Why did it come up so often? "Snape? Why, what did he want?"

"I'm not sure. I didn't give him enough time to tell me, and now I regret it. Who knows what he wanted? But what if he was in trouble, what if he just needed to talk?" Lily blurted out.

"Then I'd say he lost that privilege a long time ago! Lily, the man is on the dark side now. He can't be trusted."

"Oh, you sound like James and Sirius! Has it been proven?"

"Dumbledore believes it and that is saying something."

"That old man!" Lily waved a hand as if pushing the name aside.

"The both of you are not teenagers anymore Lily. Severus Snape went bad. It's not safe for you to talk with him."

"Remus, I know you are right, but I'm concerned."

"You have more pressing matters to be concerned about Lily, let Snape figure his own mess out."

"I know but what if…" She was cut off though.

"Lily, don't worry about him okay. You have a life now. A fantastic life with James, my _best friend_. Not to mention Harry."

"You're right. You are absolutely right. It's time to let go of the past and move on, right?"

Right." Remus agreed but didn't sound so confident in his answer.

"Thanks Remus!" Lily put her arms around Remus tightly. He enjoyed the warmth from her body and smell in her thick hair. As their embrace continued, James came out looking for them.

"Lily, I just wanted to know where…" He stopped dead when he saw them.

"James! You scared me." Both had jumped apart.

"What's going on?" James glared at Remus.

"We were just talking." Remus told him.

"Well, it's getting late Remus, you should probably get going." Lily suggested.

"Yes, I expect I should." Remus cautiously walked past James. However he did not make it out of the entire house safely. James was on his tale with Lily following right on his heel.

"Oh James please stop! Nothing happened; you are getting the wrong idea." She shouted after her husband. They all met up in the living room where Sirius sat comfortably on the sofa, Harry in his lap.

"We wondered where everyone went." Sirius bounced Harry on his knee while staring at each of his friends.

"Moony! Don't leave quite yet!" James barked. Remus stopped dead in his tracks as he was told.

"I was just comforting her, honestly since when have I given you a reason not to trust me."

"There have been moments!" James yelled.

"This is ridiculous! Lily began, James we were talking like two old friends and Remus saw that I was upset so we hugged. That's all!"

"What did I miss?" Sirius asked looking between James and Remus.

"Then what were you two talking about?" James persisted.

"Since when are you the jealous type?" asked Lily.

Harry began to fidget in Sirius's lap. The fighting from all corners was getting loud and out of hand. But Sirius paid little attention to Harry's discomfort. He was intrigued.

"It's not my place to say. Remus spoke bravely. She never said I could tell you."

"We talked about Severus, okay, are you happy. Nothing can remain a private conversation with any of us."

"Oh Merlin, did that jack ass come over here again?" James cursed.

"What do you mean again? Asked Sirius feeling completely lost. You are still seeing him?" He said angrily.

"I am _not _seeing him Sirius! Besides this is nobodies business." As the fight went on, Harry slid off Sirius's lap walking away from the screaming. He found his toy broom stick and drug it out of the room with him. With the back door open it was a perfect time for an escape. His curiosity pulled him straight out the door and onto the porch. The world was huge. So many sights, smells, and places to explore. With his broom, he believed it would take him anywhere, and anywhere sounded better than here. The party hat fell off his head and rolled under a near by chair. An excellent day for flying if only he remembered how the toy worked.

Inside was still the same no changes had occurred. Sirius was up and standing right in the middle of a fight that had nothing to do with Remus and Lily hugging, but a much deeper story no one new. "WAIT! Lily screamed, her hands flying up in the air. Sirius where is Harry?"

"What? I don't know, he was sitting on my lap and then I…oops."

"Oops! You did not just say that! Why weren't you watching him?" Lily was frantic. She felt terrible. Her perfect day was ruined and now Harry was missing.

"Well, he's not mine son! You shouldn't trust me with kids." Sirius hissed.

"The back door is still open." Remus pointed out.

"My baby!" Lily ran followed by Remus, James, and then Sirius.


	4. Trick or Treat

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Trick or Treat

Three carved pumpkins sat on the Potter's front porch. All was calm and still outside for now. For the three people who were inside the warm safe house, had no idea of the terrible events that would soon take place. A cool breeze rustled the bushes and trees. Only the full moon shined high in the sky illuminating the entire neighborhood.

The sound of dead crunching leaves pierced the night as a dark shadowy figure walked up the dirt path. Following right on the first man's heels was a shorter rounded man who had the spitting image of a rat. He squeaked and made cries to his companion. For the first several minutes, the man named Lord Voldemort ignored the pleas. However they were getting closer to their destination and if too much noise was made it could ruin everything.

"Worntail…hush! I did not invite you along for you to get us caught." Voldemort had stopped dead in his tracks, causing Wormtail to crash into his master's back.

"My lord perhaps another time or not at all." Peter Petegrew had turned to the dark side less than a month ago. He betrayed two of his friends and tricked the third into allowing him to be the Potter's new secret keeper. A job that took bravery and trust, two factors Peter had always lacked.

"Do I sense a twinge of regret Wormtail?" Voldemort's eyes were filling with anger as he x-rayed his new follower.

"Regret? No sir. I am working for you now…for life." There was no confidence in his voice what so ever.

"I do not need another friend, Wormtail! Voldemort began. It was you who tracked me down. You said you had interesting news. There _is_ no going back!" Voldemort started to walk again.

"I understand my lord. It's just tonight of all nights. It is Halloween."

"What is your point?" Voldemort was becoming annoyed.

"Well, uh…" Wormtail struggled to find his words.

"Silence! Voldemort hissed. The time has come. This is the place, is it not?" The two men had arrived at a small starter home in Godric's Hallow. A light shined through the window indicating that Lily and James were indeed home.

"What do you want me to do sir?" Wormtail asked in a shaky voice.

"I have a very simple job for you, Wormtail. One that not even you can mess up on. You are to stay put right here. When I am finished I will come back for you." Voldemort's right hand rested on Wormtail's shoulder. His eyes staring directly into his.

"Yes my lord." Wormtail gave a low bow.

"Very well." Voldemort put the hood of his cloak up and walked up onto the squeaky porch. His wand slid comfortably into his hand as he tapped the door knob. The door blew open just enough for him to slip inside. He could hear a muffled sound coming from the kitchen.

James sat at a kitchen chair hunched over a small old fashioned radio. He twisted and turned the knobs trying to get the station to come in. Lily would be furious if she knew what he was up to. Tonight was supposed to be a night filled of romance. She no doubt was waiting for him upstairs situated under the covers completely naked. However, James wanted to see if he could get the scores of the latest quidditch game. England versus Scotland. His luck was running out. The more he turned the knobs, the fuzzier the station got. After the fifth try he decided his luck would be better upstairs with his wife. The radio turned off and James had just stood up when a voice rang out.

"Hello Potter!" Voldemort stood only six feet from James. His eyes were dark and focused.

"It's you!" James was frozen to the hard wood floor. His worst nightmare was coming true. If only there was more time to prepare.

"I will make this simple for you Mr. Potter. Hand over your son and you will be left unharmed."

Not a chance!" James pulled his wand out from inside his jean pocket. What chance would he have against the most powerful wizard to date?

"Put your wand away son. You don't want to fight me." Voldemort and James continued to have a staring contest with one another.

At The same time both men pointed their wands at the other. Voldemort shouted, "Expelliarmus!" But James had ducked just in time.

James flicked his wand causing a glass plate to swing across the kitchen hitting Voldemort's head before crashing to the ground. This gave him a split second to run past Voldemort and headed for the staircase. "LILY! IT"S HIM HE'S HERE. TAKE HARRY AND RUN!" James had only made it up three steps when Voldemort swooped down upon him.

"I warned you Potter! Avada Kedavra!" With a flash of green light James became immobile. He rolled down the steps and lay perfectly still.

Lily heard the commotion downstairs and sensed that something was not right. James's voice replayed over and over in her head as she ran down the hall into Harry's room. The one year old sat up in his crib looking around. Why were people shouting? When he saw his mother enter the room and turn on the bedroom light he stood up grasping the sides of the crib. He reached two little arms out towards his mother wanting to be held.

"Ah yes, come here Harry. For her son's sake, she tried to keep her voice calm and sweet. It's okay; we're just going for a walk outside."

Harry leaned his head against his mother's chest. He was half asleep and wanted nothing more than to curl back up with his warm blanket. His thumb went automatically into his mouth as he began to suck. Once Harry was situated in her arms Lily turned around quickly, ready to run for her life. She came face to face with Lord Voldemort himself.

"I won't let you take him!" Her teeth were clenched and tears fell from the corners of her eyes.

"Your husband ignored my request and for that he lies dead. Give him over now or you will meet the same fate." Voldemort gripped his wand tightly.

Lily saw no way out of this. All she could do was protect and stay with her son as long as possible. She held Harry close to her letting his cheek rub up against hers. Her tears ran down her cheek falling on Harry with a plop. "I am standing my ground. No matter what!"

"You won't be standing for long! Voldemort whipped his wand through the air. AVADA KEDAVRA!" Another burst of green light followed by Lily's piercing screams. In what felt like slow motion, Lily fell to the ground. Harry fell with a thump right beside his dead mother.

Harry began to cry uncontrollably. His own tears streaming down both cheeks. As the little boy started to crawl towards a dark corner of the room, Voldemort wasted no more time. Once again he positioned his wand just before shouting avada kedavra for the third time. Only this time when the green light flew out of his wand it did not go through the young boy. Harry turned his head to look up at the wizard just in time to see the green light bounce off his own body and hit Voldemort right in the chest. The Dark Lord let out a loud growl right before he vanished into thin air, leaving Harry all alone.

Outside the atmosphere was just as tense. Wormtail anxiously passed back and forth biting his nails. The urge to run away and tell Remus and Sirius what he had done was becoming stronger. He looked up at the second story window to see if Voldemort was up there yet. Of course it was too dark for him to tell.

As Wormtail continued to look up at the window, a bright light glimmered between the trees. It seemed to get brighter and brighter coming straight for the spot where Wormtail stood. His exact orders were to stay put and that was what he was going to do. However, as he peered up into the night sky a dreadful thought came to him.

"A flying motor bike?" Wormtail spoke out loud. It was true. As the massive object came closer to the ground, there was no doubt on what it was. Sirius Black sat high above the trees riding his shiny black motor bike. His long black hair blew behind him as the wind whipped him in the face.

Wormtail squealed in complete horror. "Sirius…Sirius Black!" His options were stay put and get questioned by Sirius. Or leave now before he is spotted. As tires scraped against the dirt path, Wormtail jumped behind a near by tree and was in the process of apparating just as Sirius climbed off the bike.

Sirius took in the fresh air with deep cleansing breaths. How many times he had made the journey to this house? Only tonight was not for pleasure. His heavy brown eyes glanced up at the wood door. Going inside would not be a wise decision. As he fought back the urge to beat up his own motor bike a noise from behind brought reality back.

"Ello, Sirius." It was Rubious Hagrid the massive half giant who was the game keeper at Hogwarts. His beady eyes were puffy and red.

"Hagrid, is it true?" Sirius approached the man slowly.

"Yep. I'm afraid so. Dumbledore sent me over to get H…arry." Hagrid lost control of his tears. They poured out of both eyes like two buckets of water.

Sirius merely nodded. There were no words to say to make the situation better.

Hagrid put one of his trash lid sized hands on Sirius's shoulder. "Sorry about your friends. They were good people."

"Yes, the best. We had some good times together." Sirius put his head down.

"My orders were to wait until the other aurors get here and we'll go in together. Then I'm to take Harry to his Aunt and Uncle's house."

Sirius looked over at his motor bike. "Why don't you take my bike?"

"Oh no, that's alright." Hagrid said sweetly.

"Take it! I won't be needing in anymore." Sirius dabbed at both of his eyes.

"Alright then, if you are sure."

"Well, I should go. Have a safe journey. With Harry." Sirius could barely get the words out. It was too hard. Sirius walked down the smooth path, keeping his head down and not looking back. Hagrid watched until the shadows swallowed Sirius up.

Hagrid only stood there by himself for five minutes. Several loud popping noises issued all around the half giant. There was about six aurors standing side by side. One man who stood out was Alester Moody. His untidy stringy hair covered most of his face.

"Evening Hagrid." He growled.

"Ello." Hagrid responded in a whisper.

As group talked in hush voices to one another, Severus Snape left his post from behind a near by bush. He had been hiding out for what felt like hours. He had seen Wormtail scurry away with the sight of Sirius. He witnessed Hagrid's arrival. Snape needed to see for himself. There had been rumors all week. While the auror's backs were turned, Snape crept into the house. The first thing that met his eyes was James Potter at the bottom of the steps. There was not a scratch on him, but Snape knew he was dead. It couldn't be true? The rumors and stories. Severus walked slowly up each step, his heart pumping. A quick glance in the master bedroom told him no one was in there. All was dark and calm. The next room was the nursery. He peeked only one eye in at first. Harry still sat on the floor next to his mother. He wondered what kind of game she was playing. She hadn't budged at all.

Severus's mouth dropped. "No! It can't be. He knelt down between Harry and Lily. Harry tried to get Snape's attention but it was useless. Severus lifted Lily's head laying it gently on his lap. He brushed strands of hair away from her eyes. Those gorgeous green eyes were no longer glowing but dead and filled with despair.

"My love. Severus whispered in her ear. Don't leave me. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't know. Please…come back to me!" He fought back the tears that wanted to burst from his eyes. Harry sensed the sadness on Snape's face. He stood confidently on his two feet and walked closer over to the strange man that looked so familiar. Harry put his two hands on Snape's shoulder. Severus turned his head to look at Harry who was trying to comfort him in the only way he knew how. Severus said nothing to Harry but he did not try to stop him neither. His focus went back to Lily.

A figure traced the outline of the necklace around her cold neck. The charm that dangled from a silver chain was an angel. Her wings spread out wide, preparing to fly down to earth. Severus wondered if that angel was here right this minute, carrying Lily's soul up above the tree tops and clouds. If only he could see her, perhaps with a little persuasion, Lily could stay on earth with him.

Noises filled the downstairs. The aurors would be searching the house. They would find James first. Snape had limited time to get out. Severus unclasped the necklace from around Lily's neck and placed it deep inside his pocket. Why shouldn't he keep it? He then let Lily's head lay back on the carpet as he stood up. The thought of leaving terrified him but staying would only make things worse. The spells around the house were broken now. Apparition would be possible. He concentrated with all his might on his new destination. Another loud pop and Severus Snape vanished right in front of Harry, leaving him alone once more but not for long.


	5. Wedding Bell Blues

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Wedding Bell Blues

Four months from October had vanished with out a trace. The chilly fierce winds of February trickled into the first week of March. Melting snow dripped off the gutters of the suburban houses. In the cities, cars zoomed past mounds of snow banks as children walked home from their long school days trucking through mud and slush. In the wizarding world, the most talked about reports were still on the Potter's horrible death as well as Sirius Black being sent to Azkaban Prison for killing four unsuspecting muggles on a busy street.

Never the less, the season was changing. With the Dark Lord's disappearance, it brought happiness and hope back into the lives of the wizarding communities. Suddenly it was alright to stay out after dark. Parents let their children go to more places by themselves with out an escort. Aurors got the weekends to themselves. Even the security at the ministry was looser these days. As the lives of the individuals who were close to the Potters started returning to a normal day's routine, one man struggled with his haunted past.

No sooner had the glistening sun rose in the east, then it began to descend on the western side of the skies. Dark clouds rolled in from across the sea, as heavy winds blew from the north. In all fairness the muggle forecaster had predicted a thunder storm approaching by night fall. But who had time to listen for the weather these days. It surely wasn't going to stop Severus Snape from going out.

Only one mile outside of Godric's Hollow, an old run down church sat between thick woods and a rickety shack where the game keeper of the grounds used to live. It's been abandoned for two years now. After a terrible unseen lightning bolt set off an explosion of fiery flames, leaving only three remaining walls and half of the roof standing. Rumors in all three towns surrounding Godric's Hallow swear that during a thunder storm, noises can be heard from the empty shack. The man's tortured soul lurks near the grounds of the church as well as the grave yard behind it.

Severus Snape started the long walk down a winding cobble stone road. If he squinted with both eyes he could just make out the cross that stood proud and tall on top of St. Martin's Church. The four months had changed Snape's once school boy look to a more rugged "bad boy look." The curtain of black hair was still as slippery and greasy as ever. Perhaps it was the sorrow in his black eyes that gave him his new appearance. For he was a man who lost so much in so little time. While others around him enjoyed their new freedom, he longed for only one thing. His same occurring dreams were flashes of a young women, her seductive red hair blew with out wind as she danced circles around him. Whispering his name like a melody only a bird would know. But then another person entered the misty dream. This man was not so friendly. The more untidy his hair was the more the angel fell for him. He spoke soothing words into the woman's ear. Words Snape could not understand. Every time he reached a hand out to pull the girl closer to him, another woman appeared. No doubt this one was just as pretty, but Snape felt no temptations towards her. It felt more motherly. She always whispered the same few words, "It's time to let go."

A pain struck Snape's thigh. He blinked his eyes several times before fully being aware of how far he had walked. The source of the pain came from an iron gate he had ran into with out realizing. The cobble stone path had ended. Now he was surrounded by smooth pavement and dying grass. He stood right in the entrance of St. Martin's Church. As he admired the stain glass windows with colorful images of shining angels, rain drops hit the edge of his hated hooked nose. Not the best night to be out strolling the grounds of a grave yard. It was not the church he had come to see, however, now that he was through the Iron Gate gazing up at its high rock walls and thilthy windows, a memory came into clear view. A tranquil spring afternoon three years into the past.

Yellow and white _flowers lined the pathway right up to the church door. Brass bells rang out echoing all around the field. The air smelled of mixed perfumes and freshly cut grass. The 20 year old Severus Snape leaned against the side of the church. His hair did not dangle in front of his face; instead the usual greasy mess was slicked back nicely. He wore a dark grey suite complimented by a silky bow tie which lay croquet around his neck. The plan was to enter the church at exactly one o' clock, giving him enough time to chat with Lily about not going through with this absurd idea. Of course, he chose today of all days to be late. And on top of all that, now he felt to afraid to barge through the double doors yelling, "I OBJECT!" So against the wall he waited for what felt like eternity. _

_At exactly ten after two, the front door was pulled open with such force; Severus thought it would fall off its hinges. Applause broke out from behind the doors. Friends, family and the wedding party poured out from the church setting foot into the sparkling afternoon sun. So many glamorous young men and women had attended the Potter's wedding. Severus knew he hadn't been invited seeing as he never received a formal invitation. The hasty scribble on the back of an old news letter that Lily sent out secretly, hardly counted. But at least he was thought of. Familiar faces such as Albus Dumbledore, Rubeus Hagrid and, Alastor Moody could be spotted deep within the crowd of people. The handsome best man Sirius, followed by Remus and a bewildered looking Peter were the next to squeeze past. From where Snape stood he could hear Remus ordering the crowd to make two single filed lines, leaving the middle open. It was time for the new married couple to take their walk of glory. _

_Each person did as they were instructed with minimum help from Remus. With all the chaos, Severus new it would be safe to risk standing a bit closer. He wanted to have a good look at his bride. Snape crept in between two older men he did not recognize standing all the way at the end of the line. _

_"Ladies and gentleman, friends, family, people I wish I didn't know. Sirius had the entire crowd's attention with his charming speaking voice. The two men Snape stood next to chuckled at the last remarks. May I present Mr. and Mrs. James Potter!" The roar of clapping, whistles, and flashes was enough to make Snape feel ill. Lily Evans and James Potter were the spitting image of two plastic statues that are perched upon a wedding cake. Lily's flowing white sleeveless gown shimmered like microscopic diamonds. James's hair was as messy as ever. Why should his wedding day be any different? _

_He held her hand lightly as they walked past their parents first. Lily's mom and dad kissed her free hand as she strolled on by. James received thumbs up and several friendly pats on the back. The hardest of all from Hagrid. Then they reached the last few people, Snape being one of them. Sirius met up with the couple once more at the end of the path. He kissed Lily softly on the cheek and proceeded to do the same for James, who stopped him with a friendly shove. _

_"You will need this, my good man." Sirius pulled a new polished broomstick out from behind his back handing it to James. _

_"I should have guessed." Lily muttered but a smile formed on her glowing face. _

_James began to position himself on the broomstick first. Lily awaited her turn to climb aboard. While she did so, her glance went from Remus who stood with his hands in his pocket bouncing up and down on his heels, up to the front of the line where her parents stood waving and her sister, Petunia, glowering right back at her. But then someone close by caught her gaze. A stunning looking man lost between two walrus sized elders. The only one in the crowd not smiling or having a good time. _

_"Severus." His name came out as a gentle hum that traveled through the breeze and into Snape's ear. He raised his right hand, waving three fingers in her direction. She smiled brightly and blew a soft air kiss back at him, which he caught gracefully. _

_"Okay, my wife. You may get on." James took her hand and guided her to the front of the broom. She sat sideways as not to wrinkle the dress. _

_"You kids behave yourselves on the honeymoon." Remus joked. _

_"Yeah, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Sirius winked. _

_"A special thank you to all that attended our wedding, James began. Oh and Uncle William, I trust we will be getting your gift in the mail." James teased. _

_Uncle William threw his enormous head back and laughed. "Very witty James." _

_Lily's focus was still on Severus Snape. He certainly tried extra hard to look presentable. If only she had noticed him sooner, maybe they could have talked. Just before James kicked off the ground, Snape could have sworn he saw Lily's lips form the words I love you. But with a flash the memory was fading. _


	6. Grieving Over the Grave

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Grieving Over the Grave

Thunder roared from a distance while the rain poured down harder on the roof of the abandoned church. Severus let out a long sigh as he started up the walk again to the back of the church. He walked to another firm iron gate that led into the grave yard. With a flick of his wand the lock around the gate shattered, allowing Snape free entrance.

Row after row of grave stones aligned the yard. Baskets filled with drooping flowers covered with snow lay beside some graves. Brown spots, weeds, and rivers of mud ran down the hills of the grounds. A flash of lightning streaked across the sky above Severus's head. He paid no attention to it. Six rows in and five grave stones over, lay the spot where James and Lily Potter slept.

Severus knelt down kneeling on his knees. He ran a shaking hand over the silver writing covering the grave. Out of his inside coat pocket, Severus pulled out a single red rose. In this weather, unfortunately, the rose did not stand a chance of lasting. He rested it against the bottom. Visiting Lily also meant visiting James. But Snape tried not to look at it that way. His thoughts lingered only on the only person in his life that cared for him. The more time that past the more trips he seemed to make here. Ignoring the lady that so often appeared in his dream bringing her warning of letting go, Snape was here in his usual position.

"It has been four months already. Nothing has changed, and yet so much has. I know your friends have told you my arm has the dark mark, but it doesn't." Severus pulled his sleeve and showed his forearm to the grave. His skin was blank. Not a single mark. He let his head lean against the cold stone. Every time he came to this spot he wished her sweet innocent voice would speak to him. This visit would be no different.

As the wind picked up so did the rain. The sound of it hitting against the grave stones made it difficult to hear anything else. Thunder echoed loudly and lightning flashed brightly in the darkening sky. The Iron Gate several rows behind Severus screeched as the wind blew it back and forth. It was like listening to a depressing instrumental soundtrack reflecting the way Snape was feeling. The sound of feet meeting the slushy mud met Severus's ears. He lifted his sopping wet head and turned his attention to a short round elderly man standing behind him with a frown on his face.

"Back again young man?" He wore an old trench coat with black slacks and leather dress shoes. His hair which looked as though lightning had struck it was completely grey. He continued to scratch at his scraggily beard while he spoke.

Snape stood back on his feet flicking a strand of hair out of his face. "I'm afraid so George."

"James Potter and Lily Evans." The man named George peaked around Severus and read the names of the deceased.

"Did you know them sir?" Severus had seen this man on several other occasions but never did their conversations last long.

"Nope. I have never heard of the names before."

"Well, you seem to come here an awful lot as well. Who do you visit?"

"No one in particular. You see my house is just beyond these graves." George pointed into the distance at the rickety shack half missing.

"There? You can't possibly live there. That shack is destroyed. I figured it was abandoned."

"I have many fond memories in that shack you call it. Not to mention in this church. I suspect you have memories of them as well." George was referring to James and Lily.

"Not him, only the women. She was…" Severus paused for a brief moment. He was about to say MY friend but he knew that word was hardly acceptable anymore. They had been more than friends. No matter how much Lily may deny it. "She was my first and only love." He wasn't sure why he spoke to this man. There was just something trustworthy about him.

"How dreadful. I'm so sorry."

"Yes well it's time to move on. It's time to make some changes."

"Good for you mate. If only I could say the same, but I am afraid it is too late for me."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked feeling curious. What the man's answer would have been, Snape never found out. At that moment more footsteps approached both men. Only this time Severus knew who it was. He had not expected him so soon.

"Snape, who is this man?" Lucius Malfoy spoke in his usual harsh voice. He kept the hood of his cloak up covering most of his pale face.

"I am not sure exactly." Severus turned to face George hoping for more information.

"He's muggle and there for should not stay to witness this event." Lucius raised his wand to the old man and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" The flash of green light flew out of the tip of Malfoy's wand and straight through George. Waiting to see the crippled man on the ground, Lucius got a surprise when the man still stood standing.

"What the hell is wrong with you mate. I'm already dead!" George sneered at Lucius before floating up toward the grey clouds.

"I hate grave yards! Why couldn't you meet me somewhere else?" Lucius pulled his hood down, letting the long blond hair fall past his wide shoulders.

"Can we just get this over with?" Severus snapped. He was ready to get out of the horrid weather.

"This is an important event Snape! We will _not_ rush through it. The Dark Lord would want it done properly. Your arm Severus."

Severus rolled the sleeve of his robes up past his elbow. He began to realize just how hard the rain was coming down. This was a decision he made about a week ago. He had nothing left but the death eaters. At least he would be a part of something; perhaps he would even go down in history.

"I have waited awhile for you to join Severus." Lucius took Severus's left arm.

It was either the damp clothes causing Snape to shake or the event that was being done right by Lily's grave. He began to have second thoughts. This did not feel right anymore, surely there was another way.

"What is the problem Snape? Not changing your mind are you? This is what you were always meant to do. If you are going to let your ridiculous school boy crush get in the way."

_"Sev what are you doing?"_ Snape had heard a light voice coming from his right hand side. Sitting on top of the grave was a young boy no older than nine. Severus was staring into the eyes of himself as a child. The younger Severus appeared more attractive. His black hair was short and much less greasy. Those two deep black eyes looked more innocent and enchanting than the older Severus standing only a few feet away.

"What the…" Severus let out a gasp while his mouth hang open.

_"You don't want to do this Sev. We had plans, bigger plans than this. Don't you remember?"_ The young boy sat looking into the haunted eyes of his older self.

"What are you doing here? Get out of my head!" Severus shouted out loud at the young boy.

"Snape who are you talking to? We need to get this done. Now is not the time to go mental on me." Severus ignored Lucius's cruel words. It must be the lack of sleep that's why he could suddenly see him.

_"I know you remember Sev. We were going to be the most famous potion inventors in the wizarding world. We were going to move away from mum and dad the second we had the chance. This isn't part of the plan. You can still be the potions master." _

"GO AWAY! I don't know you anymore." Severus screamed.

"Snap out of it Snape!" Lucius slapped him hard across the face.

Severus put his right hand up to his burning cheek. Had he been talking out loud? Could Lucius honestly not see the small boy sitting on the grave? "I apologize. Please go ahead I am ready."

Lucius rested the tip of his wand against Snape's forearm. "What a proud moment. I can remember when it was me." Lucius looked away reminiscing his proud day.

_Lily will never forgive you. Hadn't you just told her your arm was free of the mark? Have you changed that drastically that you can't even remember playing on the swing set?"_ The younger Severus looked as if he was about to burst into tears.

"I said GET OUT!" Severus pulled away from Lucius who backed away from Snape and his out burst. Snape ran towards the boy taking hold of his scrawny neck.

'No...Please...d...Don't. Severus let go!" The young child began to cry and plead with his older self. Oxygen was not filling his lungs anymore. Lucius stayed his distance bewildered of the sight he could not fully understand.

A flash of lightning and a roar of thunder. Severus, still squeezing the life out of the boy, looked into his scared eyes. A childhood memory flashed through Snape's brain. Suddenly he was the nine year old boy standing in a corner of his parent's house. His face was streamed with tears as a middle aged muggle man charged towards him in rage. It was Severus's father, Tobias. Severus had spent most of his childhood hiding and running away from him. However, on this occasion, there was no where to hide and his mother was out for the day.

_"SEVERUS!" Tobias had come out of the kitchen in his usual aggressive mood. Since his mother was not there to fight with his son would have to do. _

_"I'm sorry…dad please!" Severus slid down the wall putting his head in his hands. Why did his selfish mother choose today of all days to leave him alone with his father. If he found out she finally had the guts to leave him and didn't take her son along, Severus swore to himself he would find her one day and murder the witch himself. _

_"GET UP NOW!" Tobias approached and with only one strong tug pulled Snape by the shirt lifting him on to his feet. Severus tried to shield his face but it was no use. Tobias took a whack right on target. It was just another bruise to try and hide. _

_"Please Sev, I'll leave. I promise!" _As fast as the memory came it was gone. Snape loosened his grip immediately. He would not turn into his retched muggle father.

"Then go." Snape whispered. He backed away slowly from the boy. Young Severus did not think twice he stood on both feet and ran as fast as he could.

"Severus what…" Lucius began.

"I am ready, give me the mark." Severus spoke in such a calm and relaxed voice now that the boy had gone. Lucius still looked concerned but did not disobey. In less then a minute the mark was forming on his forearm. Severus grinned excitedly. He was ready to take on his duties or so he thought.


	7. Drowning in Death

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Drowning in Death

After the night Severus Snape received the dark mark he refused to return to the grave yard. The only promise he had ever made with Lily Evans, he had broke with out feeling guilty. As a way to comfort himself, he blamed Lily for the way he turned out. Each night when he attended a meeting, tortured a muggle, or killed a young witch for information another piece of him seemed to deteriorate inside. A love that never had a chance continued to destroy his once nurturing soul. Of course, he would be lying to himself if he said being a death eater was enjoyable.

With the dark lord gone forever, (so everyone thought) the deeds of the death eaters were strictly for pleasure. Starting a new life would prove to be too difficult and stressful. It was easier to simply keep their group alive. Lucius Malfoy along with Yaxley ran the rest of them. Work consisted of causing as much mayhem as humanly possible. Snape had gone into this hoping to become a part of something. He wanted to go down in history. The mark on his left arm became even more difficult to cover as time went by. After spending several endless nights trying to remove it, he came to the conclusion it was quite permanent. Reversal spells, cleaning jinxes, and the strongest potions Severus could conjure up proved no match for the mark. The life of a death eater was no life at all, or at least not for any intellectual person such as Snape. His talents were witling away to nothingness.

As the years dragged on, Severus kept more to himself than tagging along with Malfoy. There was no company to be had, although Snape did notice Mrs. Malfoy eye him on several occasions when visiting the manor. He never felt sorrier for someone in all his life. She had no life. Her life was her husband's. The times he was over, Narcissa bounced happily around like a trained seal waiting on Lucius. So often Snape wondered if she even knew her husband was the commander of the death eaters. Surely she would know how couldn't she. Lying and hypocritical bastards they all were Snape thought.

Remembering one chilly January night, Severus had orders to drop an important message off at the Malfoy manor. It was to go straight into Lucius's hand. How thick Yaxley acted towards Snape when he stood barking these orders out. If he honestly wanted no one else's eyes to read the letter, he would have sent it himself. What a fool Snape would be if he didn't try and read the letter first.

"Snape are you listening to me? Take the damn letter." Yaxley hissed.

"I am not an owl!" Snape shouted.

"An owl will take too long so go!" He shoved the envelope into his hands.

Severus gave a dramatic bow before leaving his sight. He made the journey to the Malfoy manor. How he hated it there, surrounded by fake people. He rang the door bell and waited for the house elf to answer. The heavy door opened revealing a short dirty looking house elf with pointy ears and wearing a short cloth tied around him.

'Hello sir." The house elf bowed and gestured for Snape to come in.

"Elf, is Lucius Malfoy home?" Severus stood frozen in the entrance way. He did not wish to go any further into the house if not necessary.

"Master Malfoy is not here sir. Would you like to speak to the Mrs.?"

"No…I'll just come back some other time." Severus turned on his heels heading for the door.

"Dobby? Who is that at the door?" Narcissa came from a door which Snape figured led to the kitchen. He had been so close to leaving.

"Severus Snape mam." Dobby spoke.

"Severus, how splendid. I was not expecting you, or any company. Forgive my appearance." Snape wished she'd shut up. The way she was dressed would say otherwise. Her hair was clean and tied in an elegant bun. She wore a cream colored house dress complimented by a gold chain around her neck.

"I have a letter for Lucius but was told he is not home."

"No, I'm sorry he won't be home till morning. I'll take the message from you if you'd like."

"My orders were to give it to your husband and no one else."

Narcissa looked upset by his stern voice but she quickly brushed it aside. "Well I feel bad you came all this way for nothing. Why don't I fetch you something to drink. I have scotch, whiskey, wine, what will it be?"

"No thank you, I'll take my leave." Severus turned away from her but it was no use. Narcissa grabbed his arm pulling him further into the dimly lit living room.

"I insist you stay and relax. You look worn out. Besides I could use the company. Dobby get Severus and I a bottle of wine."

"The house elf bowed and left the room immediately.

"Shall we sit?" Narcissa led him over to the sofa moving a few pillows and straightening her dress before taking a seat. She placed both hands neatly on her lap and focused her attention on the guest.

"I really should go." Snape felt uncomfortable in many ways.

"Am I that dreadful of company? I've spent this whole week alone. I could use a man's attention." She smiled her perfect well rehearsed smile.

"Where exactly is Lucius?" Snape asked.

"Oh how should I know? That man has so many hang outs and friends he visits. It's becoming too difficult to keep track. Ah here come the refreshments. Perhaps with a drink in our hands we will feel less awkward."

Dobby came out balancing a silver tray in his small hands. Two glasses, a bottle of wine, and a dish of evening chocolates rested on top. "Here you are madam, sir. Enjoy!" With one last bow, Dobby left.

Narcissa poured the wine handing a glass to Severus carefully. "A toast! Here's to…"

"The death eaters!" Snape finished the line. He gulped the bitter wine down gratefully.

"So, what do you think of my new dress?" Narcissa lifted her arms up showing it off.

Unsure of how to answer, Snape decided to pour himself more wine. "There was no need to dress up. It's just me."

"Severus, you are well worth it. You have been a good friend to my husband these past two years. I enjoy your company and your opinions." Narcissa scooted closer to Snape.

Snape cleared his throat and devoured the last of the wine in his glass. "I'm flattered."

"As you should be. You know, I happen to find you very attractive. You have this air about you. I know you act all tough and serious but I bet there is more to you than that. I can see your dark haunting past in your eyes." Narcissa inched even closer.

"What?" Snape felt his insides bubble.

Narcissa let out a girlish laugh. "You and me, we are quite alike. My childhood was not so warm and fuzzy either. I mean look at the relatives I'm stuck with. We all have family members we wish we could disown." She ran a hand through his hair. She wanted to lunge on top of him letting her skin soak into his.

"We're nothing alike!" Snape protested.

"Think what you want Severus." Narcissa ran a finger down his cheek. She stroked his smooth chin before running her hand down to his chest where she began undoing the first three shirt buttons.

"What are you doing?" Snape whispered. His body tensed the more she touched him.

"Shush…just relax. I'll make the first move." She continued to undo his black shirt until his ghostly skin showed completely. Snape remained still. He did not tempt her nor did he stop her. Narcissa stretched her neck up towards his soft lips. The kisses started off light and gentle but the more her lips embraced his the more into it she got. While still kissing, Narcissa climbed on Snape's lap. He wrapped his strong arms around her thin waste. It would be a lie if he said it didn't feel amazing. If Narcissa ever asked him though, no doubt he would lie to her.

"How far are you willing to take this Severus?" Narcissa was breathing heavily.

Snape let his eyes close taking in her sweet perfume. A glimmer of an angel's face, a twirl of red hair, Snape was haunted by the vision he thought left him many years ago. Those green eyes hurt. Never again would she let him have just one pleasant dream, one spontaneous evening with someone else's wife. _Damn you Evans_. He thought in his head. "I have to go." Snape pushed Narcissa off his lap standing up.

"Severus!" Narcissa wasn't ready for him to leave.

"You are pathetic! How many other messenger death eaters have you kept here until you got what you wanted? I bet this letter is blank, isn't it?" Snape grabbed the letter from his pocket. He tore the envelope pulling the letter out. He unfolded it, scanned the empty parchment, and thrusted it in her face.

"Severus, please!"

"It was just a way to get me here! What did you have to do for Yaxley in order for him to send me on a false errand? You're a bitch! Disgusting! I'm leaving." Snape found his cloak and walked out of the manor. He hated that house. He despised the Malfoys! Almost three years of his life wasted on the Malfoy filth. He knew what he had to do. It was his only option, the only way to get some meaning back in his life. First chance he got he'd go see his last hope.


	8. Down the Corridors, Through My Mind

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Down the Corridors, Through My Mind

The sun was poking through puffy white clouds as Severus Snape stood on platform 9 ¾. The air was clean and crisp as the weeks inched closer to April. The train would be arriving exactly at 10:00, taking Snape to the Hogsmede station. He would have rather a port key or even the exhaustion of apparating than the train ride. However, Dumbledore thought the train would be the easiest. A port key sending a death eater to Hogwarts may have looked suspicious. He would be the only passenger but his safety was more important. His nerves were catching up with him. It had been many years since walking the corridors of Hogwarts.

Exactly when the clock behind Severus began to chime for ten, the shimmering red engine approached the station. Snape could see the glittering golden letters spelling out Hogwart's Express. As the train came to a complete stop, Snape suddenly was standing in the middle of a crowded platform. Old students and new ones ran this way and that while parents gave one last hug and waved goodbye. Only ten feet away from Snape he noticed his mother and father saying their last farewell to their eleven year old son.

_A thin middle aged woman with pale skin, thick eye brows, and long black hair stood next to the small boy whose appearance was quite the same. The younger Snape had a hooked nose, short black hair, and wore a sullen look on his long face. Eileen stood uncomfortably surrounded by other witches and wizards. She kept pulling the sleeves of her blouse down attempting to cover her entire arm. Something about her looked unhealthy as if she hadn't eaten in days. _

_The man standing next to her didn't appear any happier. He was tall and muscular with a long hooked nose, which got passed down to his son. After running through a brick wall without a single mark on him, he looked stunned and annoyed. The magical world his wife and son lived in was not something he felt jealous of. As a matter of fact he wished his son was normal. Perhaps he and his son would have a better relationship. "So, that's the train is it?" Tobias gazed up at the magnificent magical train. _

_"It looks as if we are right on time." Eileen glanced at her watch. _

_"Eileen, can we just say our goodbyes and leave! There are far too many people here." Tobias put a lot of emphasis on the word people. _

_"Oh, relax! I want to make sure he gets on the train safely." _

_"I don't need any help, I'm fine mother. I can take it from here." Severus tried to grab his trunk and walk away but his mom wasn't ready. The truth was, now that her son was off to a boarding school, it would mean that she would be alone in the house everyday with her husband. _

_"Sev, I want a hug." Eileen opened her arms wide waiting for her son to do the same. _

_Severus stared at his insane mother. Eleven years had passed and now all of a sudden she wants a hug. "Why?" It was the only response he could think of. _

_"SEVERUS! Just do as your mother says! I need to get to work. I can't keep taking off because you couldn't come here yourself." _

_"He's your son! You should want to be here. After all we probably won't get to see him until Christmas." _

_"I'm not coming home for Christmas". Severus began. "I'm not coming home ever!" _

_"Severus Snape, why would you say that?" Eileen looked crushed. _

_"Can either of you read time! I have to go to work!" Tobias was beginning to get red in the face. He started to show his usual signs of blood boiling and anger filling up inside him. As his mother turned to her husband with a rude gesture, Severus shook his head and walked away. He twisted left and right through the crowd until he found a familiar face. Standing only inches away was the beautiful Lily Evans and who Severus assumed to be her family. _

_"Your father and I are going to miss you like crazy." Lily's elegant looking mother leaned down kissing her daughter's cheek. _

_"The house will sure be a lot quieter with out you, baby girl." Her father hugged Lily tightly. _

_"Well, we'll let you go from here. Have a wonderful time and write us everyday." He mother gave one last wet kiss before pulling a tissue out of her back pocket. _

_Lily brushed her long silky hair back as she turned to her sister. Petunia stood with her hands on her hips and her nose in the air. She couldn't have made it any clearer that she didn't want to be here. "Aren't you going to say goodbye and wish me luck?" Lily asked. _

_"NO!" Petunia snapped. _

_"Why not?" _

_"Well, if you don't know!" _

_"Fine! I don't care. Bye." Lily twirled around bumping right into Severus. _

_"Hello!" Snape grinned from ear to ear. He loved the way she looked, smelled, talked, pretty much everything about her. _

_"Severus, hi, how are you?" _

_"I am good. Are you ready to get on the train?" _

_"Yeah, I was just on my way on now. Care to walk with me?" _

_"Absolutely." Severus grabbed the handle of her trunk for her. _

_Lily smiled brightly at his generosity. "Where are your parent, didn't they come with you?"_

_Severus looked over at the spot where he had left them. Just as he thought, they were no longer there. "Uh…well, we already said our goodbyes." _

_As the two friends made their way towards the train, Severus glanced on both sides of him watching other students and their parents give words of encouragement. Not paying the least bit of attention where he was going, Severus banged into another eleven year old boy. _

_"Oi! Why don't you watch where you're going loser!" The boy was tall for his age with long black hair not at all like Snape's. _

_"Sorry…gees." Snape walked around the boy hearing him laughing afterwards. _

"Excuse me sir, are you Severus Snape?" A thin man wearing a conductor's hat on top of his fat head had tapped Snape on the shoulder, trying to get his attention.

"What? Oh, yes." Snape shook the man's hand.

"You may come aboard. We will be departing in five minutes." The man led Snape on the train and into a compartment near the front. Snape took a seat by the dirty window. He prepared himself for a long journey.

After five minutes had passed the train set off on its usual path. Severus always enjoyed the scenery the most. Wide open fields along with huge lonely mountains in the distance always gave him the urge to run and never stop. All was quiet and peaceful; the only thing left to do was think about memories from his past. As hard as he fought, there was no stopping the next story from entering his crowded mind.

_Lily and Severus finally settled in an empty compartment. After placing both large trunks on the rack, the two kids sat across from each other. For the longest time Lily stared at Snape. He paid little attention. He was distracted by the moving trees and flowers surrounding the outside of the train. _

_"My sister is mad at me." It was the first sentence that came out of her mouth since before boarding the train. _

_"Awe…why, what happened?"Severus didn't really care but he could tell she looked upset. _

_"Ever since I got my letter in the mail she has been acting colder towards me. My mum says it's because she is jealous and wishes she could have come too. I wish that as well, but it's not my fault. I promised her last night that the first thing I would do when I arrived was speak with the headmaster. Maybe he made a mistake." _

_Severus thought she was perfect. Everything she said and did was amazing. He never knew such love and compassion. He also didn't know what it was like to have a sibling. "That's a good idea." _

_"So tell me about your family?" Lily put her hands on her lap and sat back in the seat, ready to hear a story. _

_"My family? Well, there's not much to say. I live with my insane mother and my bitchy dad." _

_Lily's mouth dropped open. It was hard for her to hear anyone talk about their parents like that. She had nothing but love for her mum and dad. "Severus? How could you say such a thing?" _

_"You asked!" Snape smiled. _

_"Yes, but don't you love them?" _

_"No." _

_"Oh, you're just saying that. I bet they're great." _

_"Yeah, if great is another word for awful." Severus said jokingly. _

_"Okay…well, what is your mum like?" Lily couldn't help but feel curious now. _

_"My mother is a clumsy witch who only thinks of herself. At the moment she has no job and through out my whole life she has made it quite clear that she hates me." _

_Lily scooted to the edge of her seat. It is not that she thought he was lying but it was hard to believe. "She can't be that bad."_

_"No, you're right, worse actually." Severus smiled. _

_Lily frowned. "Well, what about your dad?" _

_"He's a muggle, incase you didn't know." _

_"Oh, really, cool! Maybe he and my dad should be introduced." _

_"Maybe not." _

_"So what does he think of magic, because my dad finds it fascinating?" _

_"He doesn't like it, or anything for that matter. Well, except for his work and himself." _

_"Wow! How do you talk about this so calmly?" _

_"I'm used to it, I guess." _

_Lily continued to look at her best friend. She thought all parents loved their kids. The more she observed him, the more she noticed his right eye. How did she not see the marks around it before? "Sev! What happened to your eye?" Lily moved so she sat next to him. Her hand reached up touching his face. _

_"It's nothing. Actually, it's beginning to heal." Severus pushed her hand away but she put it right back. _

_"Did someone hit you?" _

_"Lily, let it go!" _

_"Tell me, I won't say anything." _

_"My dad hit me a few days ago." _

_"Your Dad? No!" _

_"It happens a good bit, I'm used to it." _

_"Why don't you tell someone?" She looked as if she wanted to cry for him. _

_"NO! I can't, and either can you1 Promise me!" _

_"But Sev…this is serious!" _

_"Swear, Lily!" _

_"Okay…I swear." _

The journey continued at a slow and steady pace. Severus read the entire Dailey Prophet, ate a sandwich he had brought, and ran through certain things he wanted to bring up with the headmaster. The closer the train got to Hogsmede, the more nervous Severus felt. He hoped this was the right choice. What if he got there and Dumbledore turned him in to the ministry? Snape had heard nothing but good things about Dumbledore. Surely he lived up to the rumors.

It was nearly five o' clock by the time the train pulled into Hogsmede. The journey had been longer then Snape remembered. It must have been the fact that traveling on the train before, he had company to talk to. The conductor guided him off the train and towards a carriage pulled by two enormous black horse like creatures with wings Snape had never noticed before. He climbed in a seat and immediately was thrown back by the jolt of the black winged horses as they took off in the direction of the castle. By this time most students would be getting ready for another delicious feast made by a full staff of hard working house elves. As long as he was not spotted by another teacher or student on his way up to the headmasters office all would be fine.

The carriage stopped abruptly right at the steps leading up to the giant wooden door. Snape climbed out his hair blowing in the slight wind coming in. He pried the door open with his fingers and slipped inside. The castle entrance was calm and quiet. The warmth felt inviting against his cool icy skin. Snape took a deep breath as he headed for the grand staircase. How many memories would flood his mind before reaching the headmaster's office? For there were not many places that didn't make him think of something. He couldn't help it; Hogwarts had been his home for seven years. Luckily, it was not until Snape arrived to a third floor corridor where he stood suddenly only six feet from a boy's bathroom. This corridor held only memories Snape wished could be deleted.

_Only a month into his first year, Severus was carrying several text books and rolls of parchment. He had just finished an amazing Defense Against the Dark Arts class and he was meeting Lily around the girl's bathroom so they could walk to lunch together. He would no doubt be the first one waiting since Lily was coming from potions all the way in the dungeons. He made it to the door of the boy's bathroom when it opened quickly and a boy pulled him inside. Once inside Severus looked around the room. James Potter sat up on the third sink scratching the top of his head. Peter Pettegrew, the most awkward of the four new friends stood against the wall trying to pull a piece of toilet paper which was stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Remus Lupin, the skinniest of the four sat on the floor reading his Charms book not noticed by the others. Then there was the worst of the four, Sirius Black. Ever since Severus accidentally bumped into him at the train station, Sirius gave him hell at every opportunity. Sirius was the tallest of the others with handsome features from head to toe. From his perfect shaped face to his stylish black hair that continued to grow. _

_"Just like clock work eh Sirius?" James still perched on top of the sink smiled at his friend Sirius who still had a handful of Snape's robes so he couldn't run away. _

_"Why do you come up to the third floor and wait outside the girl's bathroom everyday, Snapey?" Sirius asked looking down at his victim. _

_"Maybe it's the same reason we've been coming in here everyday this week." Remus suggested with out looking up from his book. He was referring to the fact that James and Sirius dragged all of them in the bathroom ever since they figured out Snape's schedule. _

_"Shut your mouth Lupin!" James snapped. _

_"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" Severus asked pulling away from Sirius. _

_"Apparently not." Remus spoke again in his serious voice. _

_James glared at Remus. "Please…shut it!" _

_"I'm leaving!" Severus turned around, his back facing Sirius. _

_"Not yet you don't!" Sirius reached his long arm in front of Snape knocking his books and rolls of parchment across the floor. Then he put Snape in a tight head lock. James clapped in excitement as Peter howled with laughter. _

_"Gerrof me!" Severus finally managed to escape after several painful moments. Sirius motioned as if he was about to lunge on top of Severus, but Snape didn't give him the chance. Severus pulled his wand out from the inside of his school robes and pointed it directly at Sirius. "Don't be an ass. I'm faster at spells than you." _

_"Oh, hear the mouth on this shrimp." James slid off the sink and stood next to Sirius. "You're forgetting though Snape; there are four of us and only one of you." _

_"Do you prefer the girl's bathroom over the one you should be using?" Sirius asked. "Or perhaps you're just a sick pervert and enjoy spying on the girls!" _

_"I know why he waits outside the girl's bathroom." Peter came close to the spot where James and Sirius stood. "He's friends with that little muggleborn girl Evans."_

_"Oh, so maybe you are an actual boy, if you have a girlfriend." James suggested. _

_Severus pushed James hard against the back of the bathroom door. "DIE Potter!" _

_"Oi! Get your filthy hands off him!" Sirius shoved Snape away from James. _

_Severus and Sirius's eyes burned into one another's. "Is it true your mum's a loyal supporter of Lord Vol…?" Severus began before Sirius Black's right fist collided against Snape's lower lip. _

_"You prat! Don't you dare talk about my mum." _

_Severus used the back of his hand to wipe blood that started dripping down his chin. He wasn't about to let it end with Sirius getting the last punch. If there was one thing he learned from his dead beat father, it was how to fight. While the others continued to laugh at Snape's expense, Severus clenched his fingers and scrunched up his face. He knew he could take Sirius on, no matter how much taller he was. Severus's fist whipped through the air and came in contact with Sirius's right eye. "You foolish bastard, I'll teach you not to pick on me!" Severus cursed loudly, his words echoing around the entire room. James's mouth had fallen open. It was a pretty amazing punch, and if Sirius wasn't his best friends perhaps James would have patted Snape on the back. This wasn't the case though; James had to stand up for his friend. _

_"You're mental Snape! You're not as tough as you let on!" James pushed Snape into the sink. Sirius kept his injured eye shut. He never backed down from a good fight. _

_"Two against one James, do you think the runt can take a swing at both of us?" _

_"I don't know Sirius; you are the champion at fighting. That last swing was just a lucky one for little Snapey." _

_Remus finally closed his book and stood up. He could no longer ignore the scene taking place. "Why don't the three of you just call it even, I'm hungry and want to go to lunch." _

_At the same exact time, Sirius and James both shouted, "Be quiet Remus!" _

_Severus attempted to throw his next punch at James but he ducked, causing Snape's fist to only go through the air. Sirius took a hold of Snape's left arm and James did the same on the other side. The two boys dragged Snape in the direction of the last bathroom stall. No matter how much Snape tried to kick and push the boys off, he was no match for both. Remus and Peter stood in the front of the bathroom, leaning against the door. Peter bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet, while Remus stood perfectly still, his arms crossed. A few seconds passed with little noise before the sound of a toilet flushed from the last stall. Sirius and James reappeared grinning broadly._

_"And now off to lunch boys." James said smiling as he slapped hands with Peter and Sirius. _

_"Game set match!" Sirius, James, Peter, and a disgusted looking Remus left the bathroom. _

_Severus Sat on the grungy wet floor of the last stall, his hair completely soaked and smelling of the contents of a toilet. This could very well be his most embarrassing moment. _

It could very well have been that day when James Potter and Sirius Black became his worst enemies. Only in a matter of one month, did Snape begin to feel determine to make those boy's lives miserable in any way he could. After that incident, Lily agreed to find a new location for the two of them to meet. Snape walked faster until reaching the end of the corridor where he turned left and up more steps. He was only half way to the headmaster's office and wanted nothing more then to get the meeting over with.

Once Severus had turned another corner, the office was coming into view, or at least the statue leading up to the office was in sight. Snape took longer strides until reaching the gargoyle.

"Dragon flies." Severus whispered to the gargoyle. After thinking for a moment if Snape looked worthy of passing, the gargoyle jumped aside giving Snape entrance. He climbed the spiral staircase and soon stood outside the door. Snape raised his right hand and tapped three times. A gentle sounding voice from behind the door replied. "You may enter." Severus Snape took a few deep breaths before pushing the door open.


	9. Cards on the Table

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Cards on the Table

Snape stepped foot into a large oval shaped office. Every inch of the wall was covered by portraits of past headmasters and headmistresses. At the moment all were sleeping soundly in their frames. Side tables and shelves held knick knacks and unusual instruments. Albus Dumbledore had stood up from behind his desk, gazing at his visitor. His long white beard glistened against the royal blue dress robes he wore. Dumbledore fixed his half moon spectacles perched on the edge of his crooked nose before holding out a friendly hand.

"Severus Snape, my goodness, look at you." Dumbledore smiled brightly as his ex-pupil shook his hand.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, sir." Severus pushed back his greasy black hair.

"Well, I must admit I was a little skeptical but after reading your school record, I remembered what an excellent student you once were." Albus gestured for Severus to take a seat.

"This school holds many memories for me as well, sir. It's just how I left it." Snape positioned himself in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"For give my rudeness, Snape, but if we could get to the main event of our meeting. My curiosity has been at its breaking point ever since I received your letter." Dumbledore opened a desk drawer and pulled out a rolled up scroll of parchment. As he began to unravel the contents, Snape noticed his own handwriting.

"I understand you're busy headmaster, with the end of the school year drawing closer. However, my life is at stake here." Snape watched Dumbledore's expression change instantly from understanding to deepest concern. That last remark may have coasted Snape this entire meeting.

Dumbledore continued to read Snape's letter. "You wrote so much and yet said so little."

"In fear of the owl being intercepted, sir. I did not want anyone to know about this meeting." Snape figured the best he could do was speak the truth. There would be no point in lying to the only man who could help him.

"It is not often I have a sit down meeting with a death eater, especially one who is so well known these days. You certainly have become popular in such a short amount of time."

"Please sir, I know I've made many mistakes but I also have been told that you give people a fair trial as well as a second chance. Well, that is what I am asking from you today. I want you to hear me out no matter how difficult it may be to hear." Snape was sitting on the edge of his chair awaiting Dumbledore's answer.

"I will hear you out Severus, only if you can explain to me how such an ambitious student went down the path leading you to Lord Voldemort." Dumbledore folded his hands together, his blue eyes imbedded into Snape's.

Snape took several deep cleansing breaths. His face felt hot and he could feel the perspiration running down his back. All the notes he had taken, the speeches he made inside his head on the train ride were no where to be found.

"I believe stories usually start with once upon a time, if that helps any." Dumbledore tried to keep the atmosphere friendly.

"Right you are sir." Severus cleared his throat before beginning. "Once upon a time, there was a seventeen year old man. He had spent seven years of his time at this school learning and perfecting his potion making skills, so that one day he could become the greatest potion master of all times. Locked in the dungeons of his bed chamber, he created potions of his own, potions never made by anyone else. It was all he knew. However, this man had another friend who spent time with him, Lucius Malfoy. He turned to him for guidance and advise when things got crazy. By the time graduation came, Lucius had filled the boy's head with stories of the dark arts. Other events occurred shortly after graduation until the young man only saw one path that he was being pushed down by the friends he had made." Snape paused for a moment.

"What events caused the man to change?" Dumbledore asked.

"What difference does it make now?"

"A great deal of difference to me. I need to know everything."

Snape could not decide if he was willing enough to share his strong feelings for the muggleborn witch, Lily Evans. It did not seem important if Dumbledore knew. Besides, those thoughts were private.

Dumbledore sensed Snape's hesitation. "I can not and will not help you Severus unless you are willing to share everything with me. Whatever you say will not leave this office." Dumbledore assured him.

In his mind, Severus replayed the events that occurred not too long after graduation. In each clip, one person played the leading role. Snape's angel, sent to him from heaven. "Lily Evans, sir. She is to blame for all of this!" Snape's tone had changed instantly. He could feel the anger building up inside him the more he thought of her. He felt his own legs bounce the rest of his body up and out of the uncomfortable chair.

"Lily Potter? Surely you must be thinking of someone else?" Dumbledore felt confused.

"We were best friends through out Hogwarts, until seventh year when I began to hang out with a new crowd, people who understood me. After all, she hung out with Potter and his gang. Then the day the two idiots got married, I bet you were there, weren't you sir?"

"No, Severus, I do not believe I was. However, I knew about the wedding. Severus, I think I know where this is leading to. Did you have feelings for Miss. Evans?"

"Years ago sir, yes, but I have moved past that. If you find it important to know that _she_ was my downfall, I will not deny it. A few years after the wedding is when Malfoy placed the dark mark on my hand."

"But why Severus, why throw your entire life away? What about becoming the greatest potion master?"

"It was a dream put on hold, a silly foolish childish dream. I followed Lucius Malfoy around everywhere. He craved power and was obsessed with the dark lord. I let him lead me down the wrong path. I thought the death eaters would help me achieve something spectacular, I thought I would go down in wizarding history."

"There are other ways to go down in history with out becoming a murder." Dumbledore pointed out.

"I'm not denying what an ignorant fool I was. It took only three month for me to realize the life of a death eater was no life at all. Killing innocent people did not seem to fill me with as much joy as it did for the others. However, I was stuck in a contract, a contract for life. I had no choice and knew no other way out of the mess I made for myself. After the first year I found little ways to sneak around the duties given to me. I'd play dumb when asked if I tortured the family given to me. I'd give a heads up to others, giving them plenty of time to leave the city."

"Lets go back to the night the Potters were murdered. What did you know of that?" Dumbledore questioned.

Snape began to play with his hands. He knew this question would come eventually. "I was not involved in the actual killing of them, sir."

"But you were involved, weren't you?" Dumbledore knew there was more to the story.

"Headmaster, I overheard a conversation I should never have listened to. A conversation between you and Tralony. She gave you a prediction, a prediction about a boy born at the end of July. Someone who could possibly overpower the dark lord."

Dumbledore was not smiling anymore. His eyes lost their sparkle. "Did you tell Voldemort what you overheard?" As afraid as he was to hear the answer, Dumbledore pretty much knew what it was.

"I went straight to Voldemort after I heard the gist of the conversation, but left before I heard the whole thing. I told him exactly what I found out and he put the story together himself, figuring it was the Potters. It was my fault, and for that reason I need your help. I can not live like this anymore. I do not know how to get out of this though."

"Severus, I need you to be one hundred percent sure that this is what you want. I will not let you past the gates into my safely charmed castle if come two or three months from now you're back with the rest of the followers."

"You have my word not to mention this." From an inside pocket, Snape pulled out a small brown pouch, filled with gallions. He dropped it in front of Dumbledore. "I can give you one hundred gallions for now and perhaps we can work out some sort of arrangement."

Dumbledore picked up the brown leather pouch and peered inside. Just as Snape had pointed out, at least one hundred sparkling gold gallions lay neatly on top of one another. "Severus, I do not want your money, especially since I know where it came from. Here, take this back." Dumbledore held out the pouch for Snape to place back inside his cloak.

"No, sir, this money is my own! I did not steal it, if that's what you mean."

"Never the less, Severus, I do not want it."

"Well, if not money then what is it you want?" Snape asked desperately.

"I want your word that no matter how hard times may get for you and no matter what rumors you here about Lord Voldemort or yourself you will keep your head. This will not be easy, Severus, but I am willing to give it my best shot."

"As am I, Sir. You have my word, I swear. Please just get me out of this."

Dumbledore stood up and walked around to the front of his desk. His shining blue eyes stared up at the pictures of headmasters before him. After what felt like twenty silent minutes to Snape, Dumbledore turned to face his guest. "I have an idea."


	10. Trust Vs Mistrust

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Trust vs. Mistrust

"Now, why don't we sort out the rest of the details tomorrow? You must be exhausted from the trip." Dumbledore placed a shaky hand on Severus' shoulder.

"So you would like me to come back tomorrow?" Severus asked trying to hide a groan with the thought of another long train ride here.

"Don't be ridiculous, I am putting you up in a spare room here. You will be living here, just like the rest of the staff."

Severus Snape stared at the old man with absolute delight. How lovely it would feel to walk the grounds once more. "Where will my room be, sir?"

Dumbledore gestured for Snape to follow his lead. The two men sped down the spiral staircase and headed in the direction of the lower level. "There is an extra room down in the dungeons. Now I know to most people the dungeons are not the friendliest place, however…"

"NO! The dungeons are perfect." Snape could actually feel the corners of his mouth form a tight smile. He spent seven years down in the dungeons in the Slytherin common room. It would feel like home again. Dumbledore led him down a different direction Snape never knew existed. Narrow winding steps took the two men down a dark corridor before reaching an oak door with a black knocker. Dumbledore pulled out a thin silver key and unlocked the door.

"I'm sure you will find this to your liking." Dumbledore smiled and stepped aside to let Snape enter first.

Severus pushed the door open and stepped inside. Instantly, candles lit filling the room with a gloomy glow. A stone covered floor led Snape into a comfortable living room complete with a leather sofa and a single chair. An oval coffee table was placed a foot in front of the sofa with the evening paper waiting to be read. Behind the sofa two tall bookshelves stood filled with a mixture of literature and potion books. A tiny kitchen was situated just off of the living room holding only the basic essentials, such as a sink and a small oven. Down a skinny hallway was the master bedroom along with one bathroom and an extra room which currently was being used as an office.

Severus was quite pleased. This miniature flat seemed to reflect his taste nicely. It had just enough furniture with out looking crowded. The only thing that was missing was potion ingredients and a cauldron. Perhaps Dumbledore would lend him one. "This will do just fine, sir, thank you."

"I have faith in you, Severus. This will be your new life, a fresh start." Dumbledore shook Snape's hand one last time before making his way to the door.

"I won't let you down sir."

"I am sure you won't. I shall speak to you at breakfast tomorrow." Dumbledore bid him goodnight before leaving Snape to rest and become comfortable.

Severus locked the door and took a good look around. He loved the room but something still did not seem right. Glancing at the clock, Severus could not believe how late it was. He decided the best thing to do would be to go to sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day and no doubt more difficult than this one. After all, Dumbledore had not told him what his plan for him was yet. As he pulled off his robes and climbed into bed wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, Snape wondered what the plan Dumbledore claimed he had was. As far as Snape knew, there was no way out except death. What if Dumbledore knew this as well? What if that was his plan? With images of the great Albus Dumbledore pointing his wand directly at Snape's heart, he fell into an uneasy sleep.

The next morning came without warning. Severus sat up dazed for a moment unsure if he had even fallen asleep yet. The dungeons only showed one time of day and that was nighttime. There were no windows, only candles floating in mid air. Severus climbed out of bed pulling the same robes on as yesterday seeing as he hadn't brought anything else with him. Walking past a mirror he stopped briefly to gaze at his reflection. Although still young his mirrored self did not show that. A thin pale face and blood shot eyes stared back at him. Unable to stand the gruesome sight, Severus made his way out of his room, back up the dungeon steps and stood standing completely still in the entrance hall.

It was not the end of term yet which meant the Great Hall would be filled with early rising students ready to start their day. Sure enough a group of Gryffindor students came running down the staircase talking excitedly to one another. Two of them stood out vividly in Snape's mind. A young girl with shoulder length dark red hair was being bullied by another student who wore a green tie representing Slytherin. As the girl ran faster down the steps so did the boy who teased her maliciously. Suddenly the scene changed right in front of Snape. It was no longer two strange unfamiliar students, now the only student walking down the stone staircase was Lily Evans. Severus watched the scene play out in his head wondering which one it would be this time.

_A sixteen year old Lily glided down the grand staircase as if she bore wings. She carried a medium sized green gift bag in one hand and her school bag was draped over her other shoulder. Today was a big day and there was plenty of reason to celebrate. It was the ninth of January and even though the weather outside did not reflect the happiness inside of her, it didn't seem to matter. All that was important was finding her best friend and wishing him a happy birthday. As she entered the great hall it appeared as if the rest of the school had beaten her to breakfast. Lily walked down one of the aisles on her way to the slytherin table, only half way past her own house table a voice called out her name loudly. _

_"Oh no!" Lily muttered under her breath. She was not dealing with this, especially after what happened last night. _

_"LILY EVANS! Get your sexy ass back here!" The sound of James Potter annoying voice echoed through out the room. He sat looking incredibly adorable with his usual gang of mates. There was no way she would be able to act as if she hadn't heard him call. _

_"What is it that you want Potter, I happen to be in the middle of something." Lily refused to smile at him for it would bring no good only more comments on his end. She stood still clutching Severus' gift. This was his special day not James. _

_"Now that's no way to start off our morning besides, we've got double potions today and you are my partner." He stood to his feet towering over her, his eyes focused not on her face but clearly her chest. Sirius laughed noticing his friends gaze. _

_"If this is about last night then I can't be bothered. It meant nothing and I wish you'd pull your enormous head out of your ass just once." Lily began to walk away feeling joyful that her lips uttered the final words. However, she spoke to soon. James had pulled her back holding a fist of her robes tightly. _

_"I believe, Miss Evans that you slept with me last night. Does that really indicate nothing?" James said smugly as his friends howled and cheered with pleasure. _

_"How dar…" Lily began to protest but out of the corner of her eye she saw a heart broken Severus walking up the aisle towards her. He must have overheard them. How would she make him understand? James must have noticed Snape standing there as well, for a smirk formed across his handsome face while his brown eyes grew wider giving his friends the impression that a miraculous idea had occurred to him. Before Lily could stop him, James pressed his muscular body up against hers and planted a kiss right on her smooth lips. It only lasted seconds but the look on Snape's face made the entire idea and timing perfect. _

_"Oi mate didn't see you there!" James smiled cruelly at Snape their eyes, meeting. _

_"Lily backed away from James as if he were on fire. Silence fell between the three of them. James' expression showed nothing but extreme happiness for his actions. Lily stood frozen not from the shock or enjoyment of his kiss but from the horror issuing two feet behind her. Severus half wanted to slap the two of them however, his heart was pounding uncontrollably and he craved nothing more then to run and never stop. All he needed was the energy and will power to take the first step. Perhaps his eyes and face expression was giving him away because he saw Sirius pointing a finger and laughing. _

_"I think he's going to cry! Go on then Snape, let's here you weep like a little girl." Sirius began to make sounds of a fake cry and before long the entire Gryffindor table followed suite with the exception of Lily and Remus. _

_Snape watched as others began to turn their heads to watch. Sirius was drawing a crowd towards their table with his impeccable acting skills. He stood up onto the bench high above the others and conducted his audience in shouts of crying and immature name calling. Severus finally found the jolt of energy he needed. He threw his fist back, ready to strike only a gentle hand stopped his just in time. To his shock it was Lily. Since when did she defend Potter? Severus pulled away from her grasp and ran out of the great hall. He didn't care what the others would say. Severus continued to run and did not stop until reaching the lake. He kicked and cursed at the ground. So she slept with Potter! He didn't want to believe it but what other option was there. _

_"Severus!" Lily had followed him outside. She was out of breath and clutched her side. "I didn't know you could run so fast." _

_"Get the hell away from me!" Snape shouted in her face. The tone of his own voice seemed to frighten her as well as him. _

_"Sev, you misunderstood. I did not…I never…not in that way." She still hadn't caught her breath. _

_"What's so complicated about it, did you sleep with Potter?" Snape's eyes were filled with rage and terror of the answer she was going to give. _

_"Well, technically yes, but not in the way you think." Lily desperately needed to figure out how to make him listen. _

_"What other way is there, Lil?" Snape bellowed. _

_"Can we please just sit down under our tree?" She pleaded. _

_"NO!" The last place he wanted to go was there tree. It held only good memories and this would not be one of them. _

_"I was helping him with the potions homework last night. It was getting late so we decided to go and sit on the couch in order be more comfortable. He wanted to go to bed but I told him to finish the assignment first. As I was quizzing him he began to doze off and then before I knew it I had fallen asleep next to him. That's all!" _

_"I hate him!"_

_"You do believe me don't you?" Lily asked. _

_"You kissed him and then defended him! So how can you tell me you don't fancy him?" Severus fought back the tears and replaced them with hatred and jealousy. _

_"First of all you need to calm down and not yell at me. Second, he kissed me not the other way around." Lily argued. _

_"You kissed him, he kissed you, what difference does it make! DON"T LIE TO ME!"_

_"I'm not…Severus please!" The tears were making their way down her cheek. How did things get messed up so fast?_

_"You're turning into just like one of those girls. A Hilary and Margaret or whatever their names are!" Snape shrieked. _

_"You are comparing me to that Ravenclaw slut, Hilary…why?" _

_"Go back to your boyfriend Evans!" Severus began to walk away from his one and only friend. _

_Lily had never seen her best friend this upset. She could not end it like this. "Severus come back here." She grabbed the hood of his robes. _

_"DON"T TOUCH ME MUDBLOOD!" Snape had turned sharply around scaring Lily. The words came out as fast and as loudly as a gunshot. It took both of them a few seconds until the words had registered. Snape strutted away before another argument broke out. He disappeared with out a trace leaving Lily standing alone._

_Severus' harsh words floated through her head over and over again. "Don't touch me mudblood!" In an instant everything that she loved about him had flown through the top of the trees and into the stormy clouds. All that was left was an angry power hungry slytherin. The two had been best friends since they were nine and not once did she ever believe him to act like every other slytherin. The one word she never expected him to call her no matter what kind of fight they were in, he said as if they had been enemies for years. Tears streamed down her face and splattered onto her clean robes. How would they fix this and did she even want to? Lily took out of the green gift bag a thick book which was meant to be his birthday present. She took a few steps closer to the lake before tossing the book into the deep water. She watched as it floated farther and farther away just like her friendship with Snape. _

_Severus found a spot on the edge of the forbidden forest. His heart raised beating painfully against the inside of his chest. As he leaned against a tree his legs gave in causing him to fall hard on the earth's surface. For several minutes the only noise around was the rustle of trees against a cold January wind. Thoughts of gloom and despair trapped all of his common sense leaving him feel hopeless and suicidal. He just called his best friend, the love of his life a wrenched name, dirty blood. The thought of losing her to Potter drove him mental. Grateful that nobody else was around, Severus Snape let his head fall forward while a river of tears raced down both cheeks. A simple apology would not due, not this time. _

"NO!" With one fatal cry of desperation, reality flashed back to Snape. He stood leaning against the door to the dungeons, hands clenched and shaking.

"You heard me mudblood!" Severus heard the slytherin's voice shout. He was beginning to cause a stir on the stairwell. Another white flash, Snape saw the tears in Lily's eyes fill up. Where were all the teachers? He could not stand to see the young girl cry.

Severus crossed the length of the room in one fast motion. Without thinking he grasped a handful of the boy's robes pulling him inches off the bottom step. "Her blood is just as pure as yours, you disgusting maggot." Teeth gritted together, while hissing Snape became something less than human. The teenage boy was frightened beyond belief while the young lady seemed to look confused but pleased with Snape's choice of words.

"Good heavens!" Came a voice at the top of the stairs. Severus and the boy turned their heads to face the scowling woman. Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun while her pressed black robes complimented a tall pointed witch's hat baring the Hogwarts crest upon it. She fixed her spectacles as if not believing what they were witnessing. As she descended the stairs her gaze remained on Snape with a look of horror and disgust. It reminded him of the look given fairly often by his own mother. "Put that student down this instant!" Her tone had not changed, nothing about this woman had changed since the last time Snape saw her.

Severus obeyed grimly letting the boy touch the solid ground once more. "Perhaps there should be more teachers patrolling the corridors and then accidents like this would not occur." Severus offered his concerns freely even though they were clearly not wanted.

"And what exactly happened that permitted you, a complete stranger, to perform such an unnecessary amount of physical contact?" Professor McGonagall questioned. She continued to eye him with suspicion.

Before Snape could answer he heard the teenager's voice reply. "I called Conwell a mudblood, professor." Surprised to hear the slytherin boy fess up to the crime so willingly, Snape merely nodded in agreement.

"I see, began professor McGonagall, well then Mr. Adams, 50 points from slytherin house for your lack of respect. I will not allow such talk in this castle."

"Yes, professor." The boy took his punishment willingly and then proceeded down the hall. It wasn't until he was out of earshot that Snape noticed out of the corner of his eye the teenage boy had found a new victim to terrorize.

"As for you Mr.…" McGonagall began.

"How quickly you forget one of your top students, it is Severus Snape."

McGonagall's eyes widened as she gave her ex-pupil an intense x-ray. As the information registered her eyes continued to widen until they reached their limit. "Severus Snape in the corridors of Hogwarts yet again. Top of my class with an exceptional ability of nonverbal spells as well as the first student to rise to the challenge of turning his tea cup into a tortoise. A brilliant potion brewer as well as this year's most feared death eater. Now have I left anything out?"

"Except for the part about being a death eater, I am changing sides." Severus corrected her.

"You are changing sides? Minerva repeated him as if trying to get the facts right. "Well, if I had a galleon for every time a former death eater has spoken those words."

"THEN WHAT? I demand to know how many times you've heard those words."

"Severus, there you are." Another voice from the top of the steps issued. This time it was Dumbledore. He looked healthy and cheerful as always as he glided down the steps.

"Good Morning sir. If you would be so kind to explain to McGonagall that I am no longer a death eater so she can wipe that look off her face."

"Ah, yes indeed. Severus why don't you make your way to breakfast, I'm sure you will find an extra seat at the staff table."

"Yes of course, thank you sir." Severus began to walk away.

"Oh and by the way, if I were you I'd try the scones with honey. They are to die for!" Dumbledore smiled.

Severus winked and then disappeared behind the double doors of the Great Hall. Once out of sight, McGonagall turned to face Dumbledore her lips quivering. "Albus are you barking mad! Have you even thought of the consequences?"

"Minerva, listen to me. Severus has made many mistakes in the past but I do believe he wants to change. I had a long talk with him yesterday and we discussed many issues. He realizes it will not be easy but he wants to try. It was a mistake for him to join Voldemort." Dumbledore began.

"Albus, no! People like him do not change, in a few months he will go back to his old ways. You can not change a death eater." Minerva argued.

"Severus Snape was a brilliant student in many ways. As the years went on he was pushed down the wrong path but now with the Dark Lord gone, I do believe changing will be possible. I have faith in him."

"Well, I do not! What do you plan on doing with him?"

"He can work here perhaps. These walls will keep him safe."

"There are no positions open Albus!"

"Ah, but there is! We will need a new potion's teacher come next term. I will give the job to Severus."

"And what will the others say of this? Can you imagine the fire works that will go off around here?"

"Severus needs a chance. He needs someone to guide him and show some respect. I am putting a plan in motion that hopefully will test Severus' loyalty."

"Be reasonable Albus."

"Minerva, I need you to trust me otherwise this will never work. Do you trust me?"

"Always, but…" Minerva began. However Dumbledore was not listening. He was heading for the Great Hall while humming a tune silently to himself.

Note: I appologize for the long wait on this chapter but I was having a little difficulty writing it. I hope you enjoy and to all my readers please please comment. I like to hear your opinions. Thank you!


	11. Broken Home

Chapter Eleven

Broken Home

Spinner's End was a tranquil run down neighborhood surrounded by brown grass, shrubbery, and overlapping trees. Most of the inhabitants of this street had long gone since Severus' childhood. Then again, even back in those days he wasn't friends with any of the young children. Half way down the street sat the Snape's household. Weeds spread from the backyard up to the front and all along the sides. The house had lost what little charm it once held to the family of three. With both parents deceased, the house belonged to Severus whether he wanted it or not. Of course this was the first time in about four years that he found himself standing on the squeaking porch. His purpose of coming here was only to gather up his belongings, after that he planned on never returning.

The front door blew open softly allowing its last owner entrance. All was just as his father had left it. A thick odor met Snape's nose immediately, the smell of rotting food mixed with disappointment. How he hated this house, everything about it, right down to the stained grey carpet. The coffee table contained a dirty paper dish with an old pizza crust glued on top. Somewhere in the kitchen, the sound of buzzing flies hit Snape's ears. No one had bothered coming in to clean up the fridge. Severus frowned while heading up the stairwell towards his bedroom. A boxed room with one window and no carpeting stood staring back at him. His bed was positioned against the far wall with a desk right across. There was a wardrobe along with one bookshelf. To most, entering this room may bring a frown or a look of disgust to their face, but for Severus, as he walked in a smile formed across his pale face. As much as he hated the house, this room had been all his, no one could come in. This was where he planned, thought, cursed, and shed a tear or two.

Thick layers of dust lay over every surface of the room as a spider crawled up the windowsill. Severus opened the wardrobe letting a number of contents to fall onto the floor. Most of his clothes he had already but his books and other personal items still remained. Never in his life could he recall at time when the house was this still. There were no shouts of profanity or cries of desperation. Severus went from the wardrobe to his shaky bookshelves. He had been nine when he assembled the shelves himself. Puling book after book down glancing briefly at the titles, he was reliving his childhood all over again. Remembering the last time he was in the house, Severus felt a chill run through his icy body. His last year of Hogwarts had come to a close. The graduation ceremony had got rained on so most went home earlier. Snape's parents did not attend. He vaguely remembered scanning the audience searching for his mother's stern face but no luck. It was the Evan's family who hugged him tightly congratulating the two kids.

_"So tell me, Severus, how does it feel to know your Hogwarts years are over?" Mrs. Evans had spoke finally after squeezing the air out of Severus. _

_"It feels a little disappointing to be honest." Snape admitted with a slight frown forming across his face. _

_"But think of all the new and exciting things you can move onto." Mrs. Evans smiled proudly putting one arm around Lily and the other around Snape. _

_"Well, that's just it; I have no idea what I want to do." _

_"How can you say that?"Lily interrupted. "You are the one who has it all planed out. Severus Snape, the potion master!" _

_"How dare you shorten my title, its Severus Snape, the greatest potion master in the world!" _

_"Oh you know I've always thought that title to be just a tad too long." Lily joked her emerald green eyes sparkling like diamonds. _

_"Perhaps we should start heading out we have a bit of a journey ahead of us." Mr. Evans began. "Will you be joining us Severus?" _

_"But of course he will! You know you are always invited, dear." Mrs. Evans informed. _

_"Well how could I pass up a..." Severus began but stopped abruptly when the enemy of all times strutted over. _

_"Hello Evans family!" James Potter spoke as if he had just been crowned king. He put his arm around Lily casually. _

_"Oh hello there James. Err...congratulations on graduating." Mr. Evans said with a little hesitation. He wasn't sure if he approved of his daughter's boyfriend. In all honest he'd rather Snape date Lily. He seemed much more like a gentleman. _

_Lily frowned feeling a tad bit uncomfortable now that James was here. "Would you like to come back to my house with us?" She asked only to be polite. _

_"I'd love to actually, if that's alright?" He glanced at her parents. _

_"Of course James, the more the merrier." She began to walk following her husband. _

_"Sev, are you coming?" Lily motioned for him to follow the rest of them. _

_Severus stood frozen to the hard ground. If Potter was going then there would be little to know point for him to go as well. "I changed my mind Lil. I remembered that my mum was going to make me a special diner tonight. She'll be waiting for me I suppose."_

_"Severus?" Lily wined._

_"Now now Lily, you heard his request. His mommy will be waiting for him." James announced. "Nice seeing you for the last time Snape! Have a nice life." James began pushing Lily farther and farther away. _

_One of the longest walks home Severus had ever dealt with for a long while. There would be no dinner waiting for him when he arrived. No balloons, presents, or cakes. He reckoned even a fake smile may be out of the question. Severus trudged up the muddy steps onto his front porch and went inside. At first the house appeared to be disserted. No sounds echoed down from the bedroom or out of the kitchen. A smile began to form on Severus' face. It looked as if the house was to himself, which rarely happened. _

_"GET BACK HERE BITCH! I'm NOT FINISHED!" Tobias' voice howled from the back door. They must have been outside.Tthat was new._

_The cry from his mother sounded fatal, worse than he had ever heard before. This was the start of another long summer and he refused to put up with this again. Severus took one step towards the staircase before becoming frozen. His mom was crying with pain. Severus let out a harsh sounding growl from the back of his throat before turning around sharply and heading towards the kitchen. The sight that met his eyes should not have shocked or surprised him in the slightest; then again maybe it should have sent him running. Tobias had Eileen shoved up against the counter, her ribs aching from being smashed against the sharp corners. One hand clamped around her waist and the other gripping a kitchen knife from a near by drawer. It was far to clear to guess what was going to happen. _

_"NO!" Severus cried lunging towards his possessed father. _

_"Severus, don't!" Eileen had warned. She did not want her son to intervene. "LEAVE NOW SEVERUS, JUST GO!" She screamed, the tears still running down her cheeks. _

_Tobias faced his son with a look of hatred on his face from the interruption. "BOY...if you know what is best you will back off. This is between your mother and me."_

_"And now it is between you and I, Tobias!" It was the first time Severus said his real name instead of dad or using other harsh words to call his father. He hoped it came out as sounding like a threat, but by judging by the look he was given his tone came out perfectly. _

_"Don't hurt him, Tobias, he is our son, my son." She gasped for breath in between her words. _

_Tobias loosened his grip on Eileen causing her to fall to the ground. His new focus was on Severus. The two men stared into each others eyes, neither one backing down. Tobias made a move to stab Severus in the arm but Severus was ready. His wand was out and raised, prepared to shout a spell, and so he did when the opportunity presented itself. "Expeliarmus!" Severus shouted causing the knife to fly from Tobias' hand and fly across the kitchen. The look on Tobias' face said it all. He felt scared for his own life now. Magic was rarely used in the house, especially by Eileen. _

_The fight was over, but not for long. He knew his father far too well, which surprised him. He'd take this time to drink up some more, becoming even wilder and then come back for round two. However, by that time Severus planed to be far away from this house. Once Tobias was out of sight, Severus ran to his mother, falling to his knees and grasping her shaking hands. _

_"Severus, why would you do that?" Her voice was still in shock. She reached her right hand up to touch her son's pale face. "Severus." It came out as barely a whisper. _

_Severus began to take deep breaths, it was not because he was scared but because his mother was actually looking at him. He could not remember a time when she looked straight into his eyes. As she continued to stroke his cheek, Severus noticed the mark on her neck. How did he not see it before? Thick fresh blood dripped down both sides of her neck like some kind of waterfall. "Mum, you're bleeding!" _

_"Don't worry about it, I need to talk to you." _

_"YOU'RE BLEEDING! I can't just forget it. Let me fix it." _

_"Severus, no." She hissed pushing his wand away from her skin. "I have to talk to you." She sounded stern yet frighten. _

_"Fine! What is it? Can you get up?" Severus asked while trying not to lose his own temper. _

_"I want you to leave, Severus." At first he wasn't sure he heard her correctly so he stayed quiet allowing her to go on. "Pack as much as you can and just leave without looking back." _

_"Don't be an idiot! I'm not going to leave you here bleeding." Severus was beginning to get annoyed. _

_"He's going to be back soon and I'd rather you be miles away when he does. There will be no point for me to run too, there is no doubt in my mind that your father would not be able to find me if I tried." _

_"You are being ridiculous! Now is both of our chance to leave and you want to sit here waiting for him. Are you trying to kill yourself?" His teeth were held tight together as he spoke. She gave no reply to his comment. This frightened Severus. She wanted him to finish her off. She wanted to be a coward and not stand up for herself. _

_"Go upstairs, sweetheart, and when you come back down just head straight for the front door. Do not come back in." Her hand fell from his face. _

_"I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU LYING HERE!" Severus yelled. _

_It was her turn to feel frustrated and annoyed with her son's behavior. She knew he would never understand why she couldn't come with him. There was no where to run to. She was tired of fighting and ashamed of the way her son had grown up all these years in a broken family who paid little attention to him. It was too late for her but not him. She yanked the necklace from around her neck and placed it gently in Severus' palm. His eyes focused on the familiar silver angel, her wings spread out wide preparing to fly away. _

_"I'm so sorry Sev. I love you though." The tears filled her eyes for the fifth time today. _

_"STOP THIS!" He could not bare it no longer. She was talking crazy. _

_"Go on Severus, just leave." He remained where he was, frozen by her side. "GET OUT, GET OUT! I DON"T WANT YOU HERE!" She reached a hand up onto the counter grabbing a dish that had not been put away yet. Her hand made a movement indicating that if his body stood right where it was the glass dish would most likely come in contact with his head. Severus stood immediately and walked out of the kitchen only missing the plate by inches. _

_His anger allowed his feet to run up the steps and fling his bedroom door open violently. Anger was easier to express then letting his emotions carry him away. His wardrobe sprung open with a flick of his wand. From underneath his bed, he pulled out a duffle bag and began filling the contents of his closet inside it. His hands and feet moved briskly from the closet to the bag and back again. His plan had been to leave within the first few weeks of summer but not so abruptly and not without a plan. _

_A tapping on his window sent his heart into frenzy. His first initial thought was Tobias but that didn't seem right. He would have paid big money to see his father climb a tree. He pulled back the curtains and his insides preformed a miraculous double back flip when his eyes spotted Lily Evans perched in his tree. She waved and mouthed for him to open the window. His fingers fussed with the locks before prying the window open and taking in her wonderful features. _

_"Is this a bad time?" She smiled brightly up at him while puling herself through the window and tumbling onto the bed. _

_"What are you doing here, Evans?" Severus moved the bag out of her way in order for her to sit. _

_"I want to know why you didn't join us? You were so excited when my mum invited you." _

_"There was no point coming after I found out he was going too." Severus turned her back on her facing his closet. _

_"I'm sorry, but what was I supposed to do, be rude and not ask him to join us? I wanted you there, no, I needed you there." _

_"Sorry." Severus mumbled. _

_She climbed off the bed and looked around his room. "What's all this?" _

_"I'm leaving." Severus closed his closet and zipped up the now filled bag. _

_"What do you mean you are leaving?" Lily put a hand on Severus shoulder and made him turn to face her. _

_"Things are getting worse, Lil, I came home to find my mum..." He broke off unable to finish his sentence. "She wants me to leave; she doesn't want my help, so why should I stay." _

_"You can't! Where will you go?" Lily's expression changed to utter panic. _

_"I don't know somewhere far away from here. I have money saved up. I'd planed on this happening one day. Just unsure when." _

_"Stay with me, Sev. My mum would let you. She is crazy about you!" Lily forced a smile across her face. _

_"NO! I can't stay with you. I want to leave everything behind!" It scared him a little how much emphasis he put on the word everything. _

_"Oh Sev!" Her arms flung around his neck in a tight grip. She buried her head into his comfortable chest. "You can't just leave me, I need you here." _

_Severus swallowed hard, his throat suddenly feeling dry. He allowed himself to place one arm around her thin figure resting his hand on her back. "Perhaps I'll come back, someday but not until I'm sure it's safe." _

_"What about your mum?" _

_"She wants to stay and kill herself." The words did not come out as sarcasm or as a harsh joke as Lily had first thought. She lifted her head and stared into her best friends saddening eyes. He spoke with such sureness. Severus wasn't sure if his mother's message had always been known to him or it wasn't until Lily asked him about it. Either way, it all made sense to him now. She wanted to be alone without Tobias or himself in the house. Severus' shoulders tensed and he forced his arm away from Lily. _

_For a long time the two friends stood completely still without saying a word. It wasn't until Severus heard some noises coming from downstairs that he came back to reality. "I have to go!" He knelt down picking up his bag and tossing it over his shoulders. _

_"Severus, I...I..." _

_"I don't want you coming back to my house once I leave, do you understand? Don't call my number or walk by to see if anyone is home."_

_"When will I see you?" Lily's voice cracked. _

_"I'll write...I promise."_

_"Everyday?"_

_"Sure." Severus lied. _

_Lily leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him gently on his cheek, leaving her sent as well as a wet tear. Severus waited until she climbed back out and down the tree before locking the window once more. He then turned the lights off and headed down the steps. No sounds came from the kitchen but he knew she was still in there, lying motionless on the ground waiting for the moment when Tobias came home. _

_The walk down the dirt covered path leading away from Spinner's End seemed never ending. His new journey began three weeks earlier than he anticipated. Lily's word and soft kiss fluttered through the surface of his memory. Out of his pocket he pulled out his mother's necklace turning it over in his hands. _

_At the end of the path Lily stood waiting for him just as he guessed she would. He would apparate here but she still had to walk the rest of the path home alone. Tears streamed down her gorgeous face landing with a splash to the ground. This was the time to tell him everything she could never say before and yet her mouth stayed closed and her feet frozen to the hot dusty road. _

_"I have something for you angel." Severus smiled feeling like a different man every time he spoke to her. He was never usually so soft and serene with her but the sun was setting in the distance, the light only shining dimly like a candle on their faces. This was the time of day Severus felt the most at peace. Something amazing seemed to happen to him once the light didn't blaze in the sky. His features were far gentler and less aggressive. Lily couldn't help but smile at him noticing the abrupt change in appearance. _

_"What is it, Sev?" _

_He took two long strides and then stooped. Their noses were almost touching. He held out his hand allowing her to take the silver chain he kept warm. She instantly put it around her neck tucking the angel underneath her shirt. Without another word, Severus assumed the proper take off position and left with a thin layer of dust circling around the air. _


End file.
